A year ago, Tomcat left.

It's hard to believe that it's been a year. I still cry almost every day. I have had such a hard time adjusting (euphemism). I really miss my companion of 20 years.
When I got Tommy, he was a bit over 2 months old, would fit in the hand of my then-BF, and was full of energy. We've been through so much and now I have to go through life without him. I miss him like a part of my own soul, and am fairly convinced he was the love of my life, silly as it sounds.

He was permanently hungry (at his peak he'd have FIVE meals a day... and still would try to steal if given the opportunity), he was chatty, he was cuddly. In short, he was the perfect roommate if you don't want your daily life to be boring.

Tomcat was a smart little dude who loved to learn things. He knew about 50 different instructions, would have very precise routines for many activities, and kept learning more until a few weeks before he left.

He could do all kinds of things on command, including but not limited to : sitting, jumping, lounging, eating (and going back to eat XD ), waiting outside a room, taking medication... And oh, let's not forget what a good boy he was during shower time !

If you want to reminisce Tomcat with me (and don't want to have to go on Xwitter where I livetweeted the last few years of his life's ups and downs), there are two "1 second per day" videos I've compiled :
- 2022 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EH05DnUeFdw
- 2023 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7vEc1xU_JAM
(although obviously it was not as long as I wanted it to be)
2022 : 1 second per day with Tomcat

In 2022, I took videos of Tomcat every day. This is a compilation of this whole year with him.

YouTube

May you all find your perfect cat.

#Mastocats #CatsOfMastodon #Caturday

I've thought about you all day, and my heart breaks for you too tonight. I've lost the best thing in this world.
I probably always knew he wouldn't celebrate his 21st birthday today, but it still sucks.
Tomcat and I would always watch the fireworks together. He'd sit in my arms and wasn't afraid at all ; I'd count how many we could see from our window, and later from our balcony (a perk of living in dense suburbs). A nice tradition of almost 20 years.
It's the second July 14th without him and I've lost all interest in fireworks. I hear them but don't even care about counting them. Fireworks are sad now.
It's hard for me to accept it has only been two years since I lost Tomcat. That's only a tenth of the time we spent together and yet it feels like an eternity.
Each day longer and emptier than the previous one. Nothing has meaning, I wake up for no reason in the morning, I struggle to care about anything. I live in a place that is no longer a home without him.
He has left a void I'm not sure I can recover from.
NMIXX(엔믹스) “Love Is Lonely” Special Video

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💔
Tomcat would have turned 22 today. Which... I know cats rarely do. I know. Intellectually I know that, but I can't help but feel like he should be here.
Bit of a tough day today.
It's not even that I particularly like fireworks, it's just that Tommy and I had this tradition every year to watch them from our window (which in our successive apartments meant to see several at once from the nearby towns). He was never afraid. He was never bothered. He would just stay in my arms and watch. One year he purred.
When we moved into this apartment, we realized the fireworks were shot from just around the block, they were huge ! We could see them above the nearby EDF building.

They smelled bad of course. They made Trixie run to the bedroom. But they were our tradition.

Fireworks suck now.

I don't even go to the window anymore. I don't have it in me to count how many can be seen from the balcony. I don't open the shutters.

I can't imagine myself enjoying fireworks again.

Even if I have a third cat someday, trying to enjoy the fireworks with them would feel like replicating something I had with Tom. I'm not gonna confuse or scare a kitty just to relive this.
It's gone.

It's just gone.

We met 22 years ago today.
So I just spent the past 15min holding ONE agouti HAIR in my hand because it appeared on my keyboard and couldn't stand the idea of throwing it away.
That's healthy. That's normal. That's healed.
(is that wound EVER going to close up ?)

Sorting old video files when suddenly...

https://youtu.be/iIhSLUMW8T8?t=4362

Let's play - lady visits Stonehearth : Ep.2 Purpleville en pleine expansion

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@ladyteruki
yesterday I found one of Jazz's poops and I teared up and I had to force myself to put it in the compost bin because. Well

@ladyteruki

i fear these never close up.

@leroimiracle : it's weird to me (and also uncomfortable) because I don't necessarily feel that way about Trix. I mean, granted, she's been gone since 2016 so I've had more time to adjust, I suppose ; the first couple of years were admittedly awful. And I still wake up at 5am-ish every October 24th so I can't say I'm fully healed either.
But dear God, for him it hurts so much. And he's been gone since April 2023. When does it hurt LESS, at the very least ?

@ladyteruki

2 years is still a very short time to grieve. He's been with you for so long, and was such a perfect companion. you've been through so much together.

@leroimiracle : we have. And yes, it's not much. It just feels like I'm doing it wrong.
@ladyteruki
i don't think there's ever been a good way to do it 
@leroimiracle : I guess you're right. I just... I guess I like to feel guilty on top of feeling sad, apparently.

@leroimiracle : yeah no, I spent 10 of those minutes looking for some scotch tape to put it safely someplace where I'll find it again*, I get you. I also emptied his bowl of dry kibble LAST WEEK (the wet stuff, thankfully, I didn't keep).

*I'm out of tape, eventually I put it in one of his "socks".