@the_etrain I have to go home. My butthole just went dead and I’m really worried something suspicious is going on.

@LoganFive
The battery in Your Butthole needs replacing

@the_etrain The warranty for Your Butthole is about to expire.

@LoganFive
We've been trying to reach you about Your Butthole's expiring warranty

@the_etrain Are you aware that you can upgrade Your Butthole at zero cost to you for a much better model?

@LoganFive
Just tell me your monthly budget, and we'll get you into a Butthole that meets your needs.

@the_etrain We regret to inform you that Your Butthole has been hacked. An unknown number of people may have had access to Your Butthole without you knowing it. Please know that we're aware of the problem and are working on it, but you should take steps to secure Your Butthole immediately.

@LoganFive
Do I get one free year of butthole monitoring services?

@the_etrain Yeah, but it's just several messages daily of, "We found Your Butthole on the dark web! Secure it immediately!"

@LoganFive
🤣🤣🤣
We found your butthole on the dark web!

@the_etrain @LoganFive 😂😂😂 this thread was an awesome read! Someone tried to get in by hacking my butthole, but fortunately it doesn’t control the whole system. 👍

@catsnfats @the_etrain
Hello, Tech Support? Yeah, it seems like My Butthole is dead. I can't see anything through My Butthole.
...
No, Your Butthole seems fine, but My Butthole is just dead. Do you think I used My Butthole too much?
...
Yes, I'll hold.