Printer necromancy in progress. Be kind to your USB ports.
Whatever shoved that USB port also sheared off the ESD protection circuit package. Dad helped me track it down but told me to double check with a caliper.
At least now my laptop can see a USB device!
So the printer is detected, but it won't print due to the toner being empty.
Dad went through a bunch of papers and likely found the right ESD preventative package that's usually paired with USB devices.
Likely will be learning surface mount soldering later this month.