We're overcomplicating things.
Nah fam, my entire house is smart. It’s just that it all runs on a completely separate and isolated network than anything else, and I can revoke all access to that network with ease.
I bought a laser printer meant for businesses, and it has to be one of the easiest printers i’ve ever operated. Installed some drivers from manufacturers website and everything immediately works, plugs in to pc over USB, with no wifi or anything unnecessary.