DMV Weather 
You guys, you guys! I stumbled upon a website that emulates The Weather Channel of the 90s and early 2000s! Music and all! https://weatherstar.netbymatt.com/
Faraiwe@rvaweather this is freaking PERFECT.
All the weather info you need, without any of the bloat bullshit you don't want. In convenient scroll-as-you-get-dressed format, too.