Enjoying DaleJohn because Shane has set me firmly in my "shitty ass horrible shrimpy pathetic drooling begging pleading for a whiff of that pussy top" and "lovely voluptuous reluctant big booty bottom" ways.

JohnDale is a off-the-path route - Dale is constantly afraid of things being put inside him (whether it's alien probing or when he's knocked out from the fire ants!!! he asks Hank if anything was inserted into him!!!), but there IS a huge character connection between John and Dale in that Dale completely trusts John. More than his best friend since 2nd grade Hank! More than his own wife Nancy!!! John would never betray Dale by inserting something into him, let alone inserting phalanges into his shriveled butthole... Not when he's asleep, not when he's unconscious, not when he's awake!

Bottom!Dale means complete trust and horrible forbidden intimacy!! Especially considering this character's entire personality is paranoia and conspiracies and misguided compensated masculinity down to slinging guns as a penis substitute (peggy said so!!!) and trying to flex about having sex with his wife for the first time in 14 years.

I do believe that Nancy gives Dale the strap on the reg, because well that's his wife, he can at least trust her that much. And what kind of husband would he be if he didn't let his wife be the breadwinner and pay all the bills and take care of all the housework and put fingers in his butt? A terrible excuse for masculinity, I tell you hwat.

JohnDale could only be true in the forbidden gay gay homosexual emotional moment that Dale dares (whispers) asks for a penit in the butt. John could NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER push his peepee on Dale's paranoia!! John's not interested!!!! He's passive to Nancy, doesn't actively hit on girls (unlike boomhauer!!), always waiting to make the 2nd move, tired from his job anyways!!!

The equation would go then that Dale would ask for the strap from John because it reminds him of getting the strap from Nancy. And John would pensively give the strap out of obligation, a sense of service, guilt, and cuz it reminds HIM of giving the strap to Nancy too. 🙂‍↕️

Also John wouldn't nut 90% of the time 🙂‍↕️ cuz it's hard to nut when you're being used as a substitute, and also when Dale is no good (don't turn me out hank i'm no good!!!), and also he's not particularly aroused, and also I like it that way. And also he's used for his nut so much at his day job, he probably has really crappy used-up empty nut to be honest. That's what the gingko bilboa on his necklace is for.... now you know /headcanon /truthbomb /erectiledysfunctionfetishism

and thAT's. THE BOTTOm line. cuz stone butch steve austin said so 🍻 hwat #SanchDiego