D. Olifant Still Won't Shut Up"We will send you to the planet called Earth. You have one mission: baffle and distract them with fuckery. We'll give you our prototype mind control device.
"Why do I have to do this? Surely this isn't necessary?"
"Earth will attempt to launch weaponry at our planet if we get too close to their orbit and they find us a threat. Instead, your assignment is to make sure that doesn't happen."
"But what can I, a lone man from Planet X can do?"
"You'd be surprised how much time they are going to waste in dialog, actually."
David Zaslavsky