DurianI want a boyfriend, but I feel like I don't deserve to have one, and I keep alternating between those two thoughts which is making me feel confused. Is this normal?
Snot FlickermanI’d find it embarrassing because I’m gross.
It sounds like you’re suffering from depressive issues. Everyone deserves love and nearly everyone is sexually attractive to at least someone. With roughly 4 billion potential mates (give or take a few hundred million), you have what is honestly near infinite possibilities for finding someone who loves you for who you are.
However, it might help to get help for the depression first. Anyway, everyone deserves love and to be desired. That includes you.
You have been single for ten years, it’s time to free yourself and at least try to find someone. As someone else who is single and also struggles with depression and self-image issues, I wish you all the best.
It’s not depression it’s more like… “am I a good or a bad person” “I’m bad” “okay maybe I’m good” “no, I’m bad” “am I mature enough to handle this I’m immature” “no I’m mature” “no I’m immature I can’t handle a relationship” stuff like that in rapid succession
A Wild Mimic appears!Please get an appointment with an psychiatrist and start looking out for an therapist before the ruminations (that’s what that is called) turn darker. A partner will not help with this more than in the short term, I speak from long years of experience.
There are multiple probable causes for ruminations: depression, trauma and personality disorders are the most common ones. only a psychiatrist can get you an correct diagnosis, which will help pinpoint where the ruminations come from, but the way out is always therapy.
But you can be sure that you are not bad or gross or something like that - your mind is just fixated on bad thoughts and experiences. Others will have a completely different picture of you. Knowing how my mind works when caught in my “loop”, you don’t believe one word of that, but it still needed to be said :-)