morganthJun 11, 2025

I went to a talk lately that was mostly about something else, but the speaker came out with:

“If you only remember one thing from this talk, remember this. Everyone in this room who likes helping people, raise your hand.”

Every hand, or nearly every hand, went up.

“If you like asking other people for help, keep your hand up.”

Almost every hand went back down.

“As you can see, people like helping you. When you ask for help, you’re making them feel good, even if you don’t like asking.”

I’ve genuinely forgotten the rest of the presentation but I won’t forget that.

Show threadTech SingerJun 12, 2025
@morganth With respect, I disagree. Most people don't like helping people, they like being thought of as people who like helping people. Most people don't like asking for help, though, that is true. One of the many reasons that people don't like asking for help is that, when one does, one sees that people don't want to help, they want to be thought of as people who help if asked. They can get the satisfaction of being thought of as people who help without the inconvenience of helping so long as nobody asks them. It is the rare person who, when asked, actually helps enthusiastically. Note that this is, in my experience, when asking for the first time, I do my best not to ask people for help, let alone ask for help often. @Tamasg
Show threadScott M. StolzJun 12, 2025
@Tech Singer You also have to keep in mind that the speaker was addressing a specific audience. People who go to seminars and are into self-improvement are often the givers who want to make the world a better place. They tend to give more than take, which may not be typical of everyone. So when the speaker asked that question, the result is not surprising. If you were to ask a different group of people, you may get different results.

In my experience, certain communities are exactly like you described, but there are also communities that are exactly like @morganth described.
Show threadTech Singer
@scott That's certainly possible. I was not considering anything about the talk @morganth attended only because I knew nothing about it, it might have been a work/corporate seminar, one for a particular group, something at a conference... I just saw it off the boost, as it were. It's very possible that other people would have answered the question differently. Having said that, it's worth keeping in mind that many people would answer that they wanted to help, only to be seen as giving that answer in any group. There is still, I'm pleased to say, a social stigma to saying "I'm in it for myself and not interested in anyone else, make what you want to of that". That has lessened recently, but it hasn't yet disappeared.
Jun 12, 2025 at 1:06pmWeb
Show threadScott M. StolzJun 12, 2025
@Tech Singer True. Too many people pretend to be whatever makes them look good. But if we roll back the assumption that everyone would be willing to help you, I think the speaker still has a point. The people who genuinely want to help you are happy to help, but most of us push them away, either because we don't believe they really mean it or we don't want to inconvenience them. Close members of your family and perhaps your best friends, for example, might be more than willing to help you out if you asked. Other people, typically not so much, except perhaps in certain circumstances, like a natural disaster.