đčEarly to RISA đ§Anon watches a romance movie
RedSnt đ§©âïžđđ„ïžI saw Casablanca for the first time 2 weeks ago, and yep, checks out.
steeznsonIf I remember Casablanca right she doesnât actually knowingly cheat on her husband at any point. The woman has a relationship with Rick when she believes her husband to be dead before the events of the movie that we hear about 2nd hand. Then in the movie Rick helps her and her husband escape Casablanca.
There is a scene with implied sex, when Ilsa goes back to try and convince Rick to give her the letters of transit.
Canât remember that but I need to re-watch it since the whole film is pretty fuzzy in my mind
Dr. BobItâs heavy innuendo but yeah, they did the deed. Ilsa asks Rick to choose for her because loves them both. He sets it up like he is running away with her but then does the olâswitcheroo and sends her and Laszlo off while he holds the Nazis at gunpoint. He ends up shooting Nazis and Capt. Renault covers for him.
I guess there were no way for her to know her husband was alive or not, a real Schrödingerâs spouse situation.
And just to hammer it home that infidelity is wrong, Iâm surprised the studio didnât go with an ending where Bogart got hit by that German and covered up that he was bleeding with that big trench coat, only to collapse after the plane had taken off. But I guess since it was a war movie it was bad for morale to have the âgood guyâ die.
And just to hammer it home that infidelity is wrong, Iâm surprised the studio didnât go with an ending where Bogart got hit by that German and covered up that he was bleeding with that big trench coat, only to collapse after the plane had taken off. But I guess since it was a war movie it was bad for morale to have the âgood guyâ die.
Great romance requires a choice. Itâs difficult to find a choice that matters, ideally it is something they already have, but are giving up. Thatâs why all the hallmark movies work because a big city girl is giving up her career to grow cucumbers or something. Making a choice to take a job somewhere else doesnât work because itâs a future thing - giving up an opportunity is not the same as giving up a realized life situation. Infidelity really works because itâs a former dream, and it means giving up stability, status, comfort for the unknown.
It works from a story perspective but it sends a very terrible message.
vaultdweller013It also doesnât help that it has some heritage from courtly romance, if youve ever wondered why Guinevere and Lancelot have a thing going on in Arthurian mythology thatâs why. The French were enamored with courtly romance and guess who helped forge modern romance.
I donât know anything about what you said but I feel that we are on the same team
EfreetSKAnd also how often the movie is completely oblivious to that. For example itâs been a while since I saw âDevil wears Pradaâ but if I remember right, the ending is:
Our main character has an argument with her boyfriend Goes to a business trip in Paris Sleeps with random guy Returns home and makes up with her boyfriend
And the movie ends like nothing happened, sheâs happy, thatâs whatâs important
candyman337Her probably:
i wish my wife would do this so that i can stick my asshole on fire
festntSeriously, sumone, en-lighten us, if its movie related.
European laws be kinky
not betraying your partnerâs trust is important too. cheating is disgusting, selfish behaviour
SharkEatingBreakfastThey break up in the end.
I mean, that was bad, but I hated the movie more for turning it into feel-good drivel about the boss actually being kind and caring about her employee(s). The book ending, where the character realized her own self worth and started making her own decisions, was so much better than the american bullshit about putting up with a bossâ bullshit because theyâre actually such good people and will throw a few dollars off the balcony for you to catch.
And most of the time it is women cheating. I think it is because these movies are made mostly for women and it is like porn for them.
You might be internalizing those movie scripts and your own lived experience. A cursory Google search indicates the opposite.
What do you mean? I am saying what happens in the movies, the movies which mostly women watch. I didnât say it was real.
So you meant to say:
And most of the time it is women cheating in those movies.
Which, fair enough if thatâs what you meant.
We were talking about movies. So yes, I was talking about what happens in movies.
Honestly that seems a little pedantic. I read their comment and understood just fine they were talking about those.
I mean, the rest of the comment did not help. It feels like a misogynistic critique of âhow women areâ. Glad you were able to pick up on that interpretation; but it obviously can be read, you know, the way it is literally written.
đČđđđđđđđ đŒđđđ I mean, you could only read it like that if you ignore the postâs context, as well as the next sentence that clearly talks about the movies.
Come on dude, they even specify movies in their reply.
it is like porn for them.
You think that seeing other women cheat on their partners is like porn for women?
Yes. Because everyone has thought about that one hot guy that they want to fuck (most wonât act on it).
Same thing in porn for men is cheating porn.
It is a turn on for a lot of people. Very few act on it.
No. That is indeed not a normal thing that most women do.
PresidentCamachowell its a good thing that not a single fucking person can say wether it is or isnt because we are all only 1 person and none of us can reference a studyâŠ
Iâm sure people do. But itâs not a ânormalâ thing that a majority of women do / think about.
Source: am woman. Have woman friends. Have woman siblings. Have woman parent. Have talked to other women before.
Itâs not a normal thing.
Voting for an orange felon isnât a normal thing to do either, but apparently it is, since what is normal is not defined by our social bubbles.
Completely unrelated to the discussion, wanted to thank you for the pic. Literally choking down laughter hard so as not to wake the neighbors.
Infidelity is widespread, because it comes from human nature. Instead of vilifying it we should strive to find and normalize forms of relationships that allow for more liberty without the necessity of lying and cheating.
Next youâll be saying something like pedophiles should be able to diddle little kids, because they have to obey their biological urges.
I think thereâs a big difference between fucking consenting adults while their partners are OK with it, and fucking children.
I shouldnât have to spell that out but here we are.
Your exact same argument could be made for murder, for sex crimes, for hate crimes, etc. Just because some people might occasionally want to commit these acts, does not make them okay, because they hurt people.
Open relationships already exist. There is no limit on what kind of relationship you can define with your partner, so there is absolutely no ânecessity of lying and cheatingâ. That is just an excuse for people who donât give a shit about hurting people.
It sounds like the point theyâre making is more: âwe internalize and understand relationship norms through serial monogamy, and maybe more people would benefit from reconsidering if that is what they want.â
Not: âYou wanna cheat on your partner? Just do it lol.â
Maybe I misunderstood it then, it seemed like they were presenting this as a defence for people who cheat, like âdonât blame them, blame the society which ultimately causes itâ.
I think the âitâ there can also be the human nature to want to love/fuck many people, not just a single partner. Iâm being charitable as I donât think thatâs the point theyâre trying to make, but Iâm not the commenter, so idk.
Thatâs just not true. Open relationships do exist (Iâve seen several work out nicely) but the overall opinion on them in most cultures is theyâre weird, doomed or plain wrong and evil. Unless it is normalized that sex is not something fatal, itâs ok among consenting adults, we wonât move to a really sexually tolerant society.
What does it matter though? Do what you want, I donât see why society as a whole needs to know about your sexual habits. Feels weird to proclaim sexual oppression when in practice itâs more like sexual privacy. I donât need to know that you are in a consenting polyamorous relationship unless you want me to get with your wife.
I agree with the part that itâs really up to people. I donât agree itâs ok to want people to hide their relarionships. And they do have to hide them or face problems. People who decide to live in uncommon relationships are a target for others. They often get questioned uncomfortably even by rather liberal people and attacked and bullied by conservative ones. Itâs really hard to do this openly. In such circumstances, I do think itâs oppression. Itâs also not really about me. But I have eyes and empathy.
I donât want people to hide their sexuality, but I think there is an odd modern tendency to sort of overshare these things. I donât want to know peopleâs sexualities unless I am romantically interested in them. Why do I need to know what and who you are doing in your private time?
To me it sort of feels like the âweâre trying to have a babyâ announcements. Good for you I guess but kinda weird to tell people youâre fucking without protection. Tell me when youâre pregnant and/or have had the baby, thatâs plenty information.
I will agree though that the less common sexualities are often met with raised eyebrows when it comes to these topics. Probably wouldnât hurt if people wouldnât default to the heterosexual standard assumption.
Whatâs to stop anyone today from having an open conversation with their partner about opening their relationship? In the examples above, no one is vilifying having an open relationship⊠itâs vilifying lying and dishonesty.
Even if we were to normalize infidelity, that doesnât mean anyone should be beholden to accepting it in their relationship. Your argument is akin to saying âlying is widespread because it comes from human natureâ so we should just normalize lying.
F that noise.
I mean the. Catholic church, patriarchy, most Major religions come to think of it.
It goes so far that a lot of the very same people vilifying open relationships are the ones cheating on their partners.
MachinistHealthy open relationships at scale will require some pretty big changes in society.
Communication, critical thinking, self-actualization, Maslowâs Hierarchy; all those things will have to be improved both in society-at-large and within the educational system. Most of the world will not function well in polyamory without basically redoing society.
Healthy open relationships at scale will require some pretty big changes in society.
Most notably the fact that comparitively few peopple want them would have to change.
Eh. Humans are cheating serial monogamists for the most part. I donât think lifelong monogamy is something we evolved for. Trying to keep it as the standard leads to all the problems we have. The whole patriarchal model that dominates the world is a result of monogamy and inheritance.
Itâs pie in the sky utopian stuff, at this point.
I think normalizing having more partners even in a stable relationship with one partner would make it much easier to actually talk to your partner and discuss it openly, because the percentage of partners that see it as something terribly wrong would be much lower and people wouldnât feel like speaking about such things is risky. That would reduce the need for cheating, although it wouldnât make it disappear (as itâs not the only cause, as someoneâs correctly pointed out).
I see where youâre going, I just donât agree. Iâd rather normalize having open conversations with your partner(s) about sensitive and taboo topics, which I think is a prerequisite for multiple partners anyway. (Two people in a relationship can be tricky enough. Attempting to deal with the insecurities, feelings, and values of multiple partners seems like it would require open dialogue to have any real chance of success.)
I have a knee jerk negative reaction to your argument because it sounds like âIâd like to sleep with multiple people but my partner is brainwashed by society/their friends to believe we shouldnât have multiple partners. If society decided this was normal, I wouldnât have to work through this difficulty.â
(I fully support people having multiple partners if thatâs what they want to do.)
You are 100% right, there is such thing as ethical non monogamy, and if people want to have a loving relationship and not be exclusive then we should normalize it. The comments here saying ânext youâll say murder is ok because itâs human natureâ is the same type of shit people said when gay marriage was allowed. âNext weâll be saying itâs natural to marry animals!â đ Itâs all the slippery slope fallacy
Studies show that more open relationships do not decrease cheating, because the openness of the relationship is not the draw of cheating.
đ° đ đ± đŠ đł đŠ đ° đź Remember when the hottest song on the radio was Follow Me by Uncle Cracker?
Holy shit I just looked up the lyrics, Iâm glad I was ignorant to them at the time
Iâm not worried
'Bout the ring you wear
âCause as long as no one knows
Then nobody can care
Youâre feelinâ guilty
And Iâm well aware
But you donât look ashamed
And baby Iâm not scared
On the other hand that is also one of those things that annoys me about romance culture, the whole notion of your girlfriend/boyfriend/wife/husband being âstolenâ by someone else as if your partner was just a passive object instead of being the actual person in the cheating who made promises to you (which might or might not include sexual exclusivity depending on mutually agreed upon preferences between everyone in the relationship) and should keep those promises or break up with you no matter what any third person tempts them with.