@ai6yr First and foremost, that is incredibly shitty and unethical. Burn private health insurance to the ground with holy fire.

That being said: I've been through the decade of eldercare, and I can say that DNR/POLST is actually a good idea. I believe I read that the majority of medical practitioners and emergency medical staff have DNRs, because it actually rarely turns out well. An electrical shock stops your 36-year-old heart and they just need to restart it? Sure. Your heart stopped because you threw a clot because you have coronary artery disease, heart failure, and pulmonary edema issues and you'll need 2 weeks in the ICU, which can mess you up medically all by itself, in the best possible outcome? Sure they *could* keep you alive until you skin begins to bloat because of poor circulation . . ..

Please get a realistic take on end-of-life care from a trusted medical professional while you can still make decisions for yourself. Families often hang on when they should really let go.

@ai6yr @pagangod

In the late 1990's, my father was in the ICU of a small hospital, with pneumonia due to his late-stage leukemia. One of the nurses took my mother and me aside. She said that he didn't have any directive for care in a health crisis, which meant that if he had a heart attack, she and the care team would work to resuscitate him.

This initially sounded good to us, he wasn't in a lot of pain, was weak, but conscious and cognitively pretty intact--so, more time to spend with him...

Then she explained that she would be giving my father CPR, which would be pretty brutal for a 70-some year old man who was fairly frail. She said he would likely have a lot of internal bleeding in his chest and abdomen because of the poor clotting that is an effect of leukemia. She said it's not uncommon for ribs to break during CPR, and that quite honestly, he would probably not be physically strong enough after that to leave the hospital to die at home, which was his wish.

She suggested that my mother and I think and talk about that, together and with my father, and decide what would be best for him. We did discuss all of that, and chose DNR status.

Obviously, there is a great difference between a patient and their family making that decision and an insurance company deciding for patients without their input/consent. I would never be in favor of that decision being made without taking into account the patient's desires, but I also think it's important to have all the facts...

That discussion with Nurse Dorothy was difficult, but we were so glad to have an understanding of the likely outcome of a full code resuscitation so that we could all decide what would be the best thing for my father.

@jhavok @FiddleSix @ai6yr @pagangod

I was the last family member to arrive at my brother's bedside. Quiet, no crying. I sat at the head of his bed and read him JRRT's Road Goes Ever On. wished him a good journey.

More morphine, less oxygen. They turned him off. Nobody cried except his wife and she was comforted there.

We need to approach death without terror, knowing there are good deaths.

https://tolkiengateway.net/wiki/The_Road_Goes_Ever_On_(song)