Dan Fixes Coin-OpsMay 4, 2025

On like the second day of this many-day storm-induced power outage (thankfully we have power now) I twanged my back by bending slightly and being old, and it's still causing me problems.

But! I've said this in replies to posts but I don't think I've said it on main before so posting it here for folks who can benefit from it: you know how Hitachi Magic Wand style vibrators are often sold with nod-and-wink "These are good for back massage" bullshit?

Well it ain't bullshit, I am Literally That Guy who genuinely bought a Magic Wand knockoff from LoveHoney for use on my back and shoulders and buddy lemme tell ya it works absolute wonders. If you've got the money then there are WAY worse things to spend it on, go for one with adjustable speed if you can

I've got one of those oscillating punch-you-50-times-a-second-like-E-Honda deals too, but the magic wand knockoff I can just stick behind my back and lie down on, and you can't do that with the oscillating pistols because they're directional in a way that the magic wands aren't.

Show threadDan Fixes Coin-OpsMay 4, 2025

🦊 Are those Magic Wand thingies actually good for your back muscles, or do they just say that so they can sell them on prudish websites

🦝 *holding magic wand on lower back, drooling, twitching puddle of vibrations* thHheEeyYyRre goOoOoOd

Show threadDan Fixes Coin-OpsMay 4, 2025

🦊 Huh, does that mean the oscillating punchy massage guns can make you cum?

🦝 *clamps legs shut* NO

Show threadDan Fixes Coin-OpsMay 4, 2025

🐰 Oh yeah? Sounds like a bet, buster

🐰 owowowowowowowowowowow

Show threadDan Fixes Coin-OpsMay 4, 2025
(bonus, if you put one near your lungs you can corrugate your voice and talk like a Dalek)
Show threadDan Fixes Coin-OpsMay 4, 2025

Decades of euphemistic "personal massager" marketing has left us totally unprepared for this

🦊 Try this fabulous NEW TECHNOLOGY personal massager
🐰 Oho?
🦊 *note, absolutely not for use on the genitals
🐰 Haha yeah you said that about all the other ones too
🐰 *hits Order button, waits by the door*
🕛
🕒
🕕
🕘
🐰 wtf is this

Show threadDan Fixes Coin-OpsMay 4, 2025

🐩 Yeah, but have you tried using them on your ass? They're like MAGIC

🐰 ??? ok I'll try...

🐩 ...on the glutes not the hole ON THE GLUTES NOT THE HOLE

Show threadDan Fixes Coin-OpsMay 4, 2025
🐀 *reading this thread* Hmm. I've never tried one of those, but I'm brave, I bet that I can -
🦌🐩🐰🦊🦝 NO
Show threadDan Fixes Coin-OpsMay 4, 2025

Weird thing about online reviews and hobby forums, the more money someone spends on something, the less likely they are to leave a bad review. You'd think folk'd be filled with Righteous Indignation about spending a lotta money on something that either flat-out stinks or just doesn't fit their purpose, but honestly enough people can't admit to themselves that they made an expensive mistake that the review average gets pushed upwards.

🐰 Anyway y-yeah these things are g-good iffff you j-*winces*justttt p-put in the t-t-time, honestly seems like a *ow!* s-skill issue, maybe s-sit in some ice after

Show threadDan Fixes Coin-OpsMay 4, 2025
(clarification, those pistol-grip massagers genuinely are great, when used in accordance with the manufacturer's instructions)
Show threadPunnO)))May 4, 2025

@ifixcoinops I bought one of the cheap ones, didn't think much of it. Found a used Theragun on CL for <$100, those are the real deal.

Wouldn't advise anyone use them on genitals, but they are excellent on back/glute/calf/forearm.

Show threadPunnO)))May 4, 2025
@ifixcoinops Thinking of these as the the polite version of a vibrator is wrong, they're more like the polite version of a dildo mounted to a reciprocating saw.
Show threadEli the Bearded

@ieure @ifixcoinops

Is it unusual to have seen one of those for sale? I don't think they even filed off the Sawzall brand before attaching the dildo.

May 4, 2025 at 8:35pmWeb