On like the second day of this many-day storm-induced power outage (thankfully we have power now) I twanged my back by bending slightly and being old, and it's still causing me problems.

But! I've said this in replies to posts but I don't think I've said it on main before so posting it here for folks who can benefit from it: you know how Hitachi Magic Wand style vibrators are often sold with nod-and-wink "These are good for back massage" bullshit?

Well it ain't bullshit, I am Literally That Guy who genuinely bought a Magic Wand knockoff from LoveHoney for use on my back and shoulders and buddy lemme tell ya it works absolute wonders. If you've got the money then there are WAY worse things to spend it on, go for one with adjustable speed if you can

I've got one of those oscillating punch-you-50-times-a-second-like-E-Honda deals too, but the magic wand knockoff I can just stick behind my back and lie down on, and you can't do that with the oscillating pistols because they're directional in a way that the magic wands aren't.

🦊 Are those Magic Wand thingies actually good for your back muscles, or do they just say that so they can sell them on prudish websites

🦝 *holding magic wand on lower back, drooling, twitching puddle of vibrations* thHheEeyYyRre goOoOoOd

🦊 Huh, does that mean the oscillating punchy massage guns can make you cum?

🦝 *clamps legs shut* NO

🐰 Oh yeah? Sounds like a bet, buster

🐰 owowowowowowowowowowow

(bonus, if you put one near your lungs you can corrugate your voice and talk like a Dalek)

Decades of euphemistic "personal massager" marketing has left us totally unprepared for this

🦊 Try this fabulous NEW TECHNOLOGY personal massager
🐰 Oho?
🦊 *note, absolutely not for use on the genitals
🐰 Haha yeah you said that about all the other ones too
🐰 *hits Order button, waits by the door*
🕛
🕒
🕕
🕘
🐰 wtf is this

🐩 Yeah, but have you tried using them on your ass? They're like MAGIC

🐰 ??? ok I'll try...

🐩 ...on the glutes not the hole ON THE GLUTES NOT THE HOLE

@ifixcoinops see this kind of absolutely cursed shit is exactly why I follow you.
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@Nine @ifixcoinops when the emoji characters come out we all make a drink and sit down