Honesty is what I'm struggling with lately. I live with a ...
This stub post is the draft that I started earlier today. I use 2 different apps on iPhone. (That's one thing that might keep non fedi types away: there's no canonical fedi experience. I find it logical to use 2+ interfaces for different reasons, just like I sometimes check my email multiple ways.)
I think I'm going to stream now for self talk therapy
Re: maybe honesty isn't best?
I live with a posture that #honesty is best. I have believed that hiding my real thoughts & feelings from others is a form of dishonesty & obstructing #community. Because of these #feelings I mostly feel isolated. I crawl inside my shell whenever I don't feel that I can safely be my full self. But I have this friend...
A friend who is persistent. There are many ways that I could describe how this friend is different from me. I could state it negatively or...
1/5
2/5 I could describe the ways my friend is different as an asset. After all we wouldn't hang out if they weren't persistent. If it were completely up to me I'm not sure how many people I would talk to. As an example I say that I want closer relationships with my sister & family but... these people I say I want to be close to, I'm not making that happen.
Every relationship is 2-way. A couple of friends are persistent & those are who I see. I am not persistent so I only see those who pursue me.
3/5 I see who pursues me. Yes it was that way in romance too. I could criticize myself but I'll just say it's how I am. And my friend who is persistent is how they are. That's what I'm trying to say. So they manage to "drag me out" to lunch because, A. They're paying; B. They're pushing me to do it; C. They called when I was hungry & waking up. This has consistently been the best way to see me, offer me food at the moment I wake up hungry.
Ok. So I'm at lunch with this person & we haven't seen
4/5 each other in a while & they're asking me what's up with me & how I'm doing. My honestly policy wants to give a thorough answer. THEY ARE NOT OPEN TO RECEIVE THAT. At my advanced age I'm learning this obvious truth: It is not dishonest to stop talking when someone is not listening. & I could be angry but I don't want to be angry about this. I don't want people to be angry at how I am. Works both ways.
I can honestly say that I feel disappointed when no one is ready to receive my full truth.
5/5 But I don't have to be angry about the way other people are. I think that I want to learn how to be grateful for anyone who chooses to be friends EVEN IF they are not meeting my needs. I think that's why I create, why I'm writing this now, why I stream.
My creative output is where I get to be myself not my in-person relationships.
I want to be happy about that & not disappointed & not angry.
That's enough for now. If this type ramble appeals to you see https://humanissome.org
Rob 🏳️🌈 RMiddleton.Art