This just makes me sad because I spent more than a decade trying to be patient and kind with her crazy level 10 where me trying to separate during an argument by leaving the apartment would result in her trying to trap me in the apartment, physically restrain me from leaving, saying I never loved her, threats of suicide and trying to make me watch her self-harm or listen/watch to a suicide attempt (once I made it out the door I would have endless phone calls with nothing but the sound of her smashing up the apartment and saying she was busy trying to kill herself). The final straw was her trying to kill herself with my cancer medication, it felt like she was trying to kill both of us.

I spend every day feeling like I wasn’t strong enough and I failed her. I feel like I gave my life to her and I failed her and my life isn’t worth anything now.

This sounds like Borderline Personality Disorder. My ex did the same exact stuff. There are a lot of books about it. “I hate you, don’t leave me” is a really great book to read. Helped me out a lot with my ex.

I appreciate you trying to empathize, but please stop medicalizing shitty behavior. It doesn’t matter that you were somewhat correct.

Further, the book is kind of notoriously heteronormative and transphobic…

I don’t know if that’s true, but medicalizing behavior is the fast track to demonizing the millions of people who have the conditions without being a shitty person.

You usually don’t get diagnosed with a severe condition like this unless you have been doing a lot of shitty things. BPD isn’t like ADHD. BPD is a medley of other disorders that can even include things like ADHD. In a lot of BPD people, for example, treating their ADHD can help their other symptoms.

I’m sure that it can. But don’t spread lies, bpd and bipolar is usually discovered through manic and/or depressive episodes. I had a manic episode that led to a psychotic break, and managed not to abuse anyone. My family found some of what happened actually mildly funny, and probably would have actually laughed if the situation wasn’t so serious. These conditions are discovered through terrifying and difficult situations, not shitty behavior.