I haven't been properly alone in the house for an extended period... since I moved in, I think. Ada never left except to go to the vet. Everything is creaky and echoey. I need a rug to eat the sound.
The grief is really starting to kick in. As well as the realisation that it's coming up on the fifth anniversary of The Thing and the intervening time may as well just have not happened, apart from being more profoundly disabled.
It's still too empty and I miss my cat.
D got in touch today to ask, somewhat brusquely, about money. They said they're "just trying to sort things out rationally" and "breakups are emotional so I'm just trying to take that element out". Cool cool, glad you think emotions are an optional element of human interaction, wonder if that has any relevance as to why we broke up
This week's therapy was on the theme "I am aware it's not going to be this bad forever, but it *is* bad right now and it fucking sucks that I can only just grit my teeth and hang on".
I am very tired and very lonely, and also want my physical form to stop existing because I cringe at mirrors and photographs. It's all going swimmingly.
@ducklingsmith I don't really know what to say, but I had a relatable experience some years ago, and I can imagine how it feels.
I've found even these things can become a smaller and smaller part of you, with time... but I'm sorry Ducky.
Ducky
somebody from the car wash
little onion friend 🧅✨
Dana
enui