Okay. I know I haven't been around here much over the last few months. Basically seeing a lot of the furry fandom migrating over to Bluesky and kind of seeing this place less for those momentary "hey I had a thought" posts, and more for these longer, drawn out essay posts...I just haven't had a whole lot going on that really required a separate post IMO.

But, a few days ago, it was my Aunt Sheryl's birthday. So of course, I wished her a happy birthday and she asked me if I was still posting here or if I was on any other social media sites.

Now, the thing is, Aunt Sheryl isn't my aunt by blood. She's one of my found family. Back when I was still in high school up through about the time I moved from my home state of Missouri down to Florida, she and her husband, my Uncle Paul, had given me a bit of a safe space to help me talk stuff out and process emotions. She and her husband ran a little place called the Ted E. Bear's Toy Factory. Basically Build-a-Bear but locally owned. Come in, pick an animal, stuff it, name it, dress it, take it home, that kind of thing. And especially after moving back to Missouri in 2009 after I lived in Ohio for a couple years....the fact she still recognized me...and my stuffed fox, Todd...I kind of saw this place as a place where I was welcomed.

So while I lived in Missouri, every week, I'd stop off in the morning to go see Aunt Sheryl and Uncle Paul, I even amassed a bit of a plushie collection because of them and it was kind of like therapy before I actually went to therapy.

So anyway....she wanted to know how I've been doing since I have kind of neglected this account and part of that is I've kind of just....gotten into a sort of routine so there's nothing really NEW to talk about I guess. But then as I sat and tried to figure out how to properly put these thoughts together, I kind of figured I'd actually kind of break it down into constituent parts.

First...job. So, I had gotten a job working as a part-time digital archivist at a news station here in Pittsburgh. My job consists of taking old news tapes from the 70's up to about 2010 from not just Pittsburgh but news affiliates all over the country (so far I've seen tapes from Boston, Milwaukee, Oklahoma City and New Orleans) and it's pretty decent if not a bit monotonous. I go in, I put the tapes in the decks, queue them up in the system and digitize them, then lather, rinse and repeat, keeping track of which tapes we've received and which tapes we've digitized in their respective spreadsheets, while testing the audio levels and the picture quality every so often. Not a bad job. Just have a music playlist or some podcasts or something to listen to since you're literally working in the archive alone, especially at night. Over the last few weeks, I've been doing 2 12-hour shifts (and yes, I have a 3p-3a shift tomorrow XD) but that affords me another day off during the week which is nice. I do hope that once this project runs its course towards the end of 2025, I can use the archivist experience to land a job at a museum.

Second...mental health. So, something I used to do when I was seeing Sivan, my therapist, down in Florida, was I would basically get a bunch of thoughts out to kind of prime myself for what I need/want to bring up in therapy that week...and then I'd do a follow-up post after therapy. Well, I do have a new therapist up here in Pittsburgh, Dr. Shanique Bailey. Now, the clinic I was at in Florida was primarily based in CBT, whereas Dr. Bailey does more of a Psychodynamic Therapy, so it's a totally different flavor and approach and I'm not..so sure as to how to really process it in words since it almost seems to be a lot more free-form.

Like Sivan and her therapy was very goal-oriented. "I want to do this" okay so here are some exercises to do to get you to develop this skill. But with Dr. Bailey, it's a lot more of like....deep diving into my thought processes, a lot more talk therapy, a lot more uncovering past experiences and working through past traumas and...it's funny, I won't hit on a massive breakthrough until way after therapy. Like today, I went and saw Dr. Bailey at 1pm...that seems to be the time, Thursdays at 1p. So...I went and saw her, but it wasn't until about...8pm when I was talking to my Dad @AliothFox, and told him what Dr. Bailey said kind of in passing during therapy today "You said you were afraid of being what your birth mother said you were, but it's clear to me that you are not that at all." and...that hit hard. Like in a good way. I also ended up sharing that with my Mom @ayumi_silverfox and my little sister @MaxxyRaccoon and dang...having a chosen family that has my back has been almost like....full on reality altering.

Then, there's like...the hobbies thing. So, this dorky diaper-clad spottyfox has decided to start learning drums. I got that electronic drum kit for myself back in September and I've been kind of off-and-on playing on it. I FINALLY decided to swap things around to a left-handed setup like...last week and somehow it's so much easier now. Been finding a lot of songs, punk rock and metal mostly (hey, blame the Tony Hawk games for my taste in music XD) and trying to break down the drum parts and play along with them.

I have also been cooking, but I've kind of gotten into that...I dunno....rut? Where I have a few "classic" dishes that I tend to whip up but nothing really new or exciting lately. I'll make some beef stew, or some Italian sausage pasta, or some chicken soup or something....especially with it being winter now, stews and soups and chilis are A+ tier. But that means I'm doing a lot less experimentation with like West African jollof rice and beef suya, or Korean budae jjigae, or Brazilian feijoada. So since I'm not really breaking any new ground culinarily, there isn't much to post there. Though I know my Momfops would LOVE to see me make chilaquiles again. As long as I remember no cilantro for her.

Another thing, thankfully I have a library literally like half a mile from me. So, I've been heading there like...every week/every other week, and checking out a few books to read. Dadfops has been recommending a lot of sci-fi and fantasy novels for me to check out and right now I got "Coyote" by Allen Steele on my reading list. And then I'm also looking through the non-fiction section as I like learning about stuff, so I got a book on Shinto, and one on Democratic Socialism. Had another book on the poetry of the Persian scholar, Rumi but read through that, and same with one on the famous Japanese haiku poet, Matsuo Basho.

And ya know, another silly thing that's really been helping me out with the whole therapy thing...and yeah, pretty much every babyfur (myself included) saw this coming...Bluey. How an Australian kids show can, in seven minute episodes, pack so many valuable mental health lessons that...I honestly never got growing up the first time. It's been an invaluable tool for me to help process my emotions and keep myself a bit more balanced if I can just...pause for a bit and watch the Bluey episode that kind of....fits what I'm feeling. Whether that's "Perfect" or "Space" or "Stickbird" or "Bike" or "Curry Quest"...it's like...I get to process those emotions and realize I have my found family to help me along the way. It's...it's incredible honestly.

But yeah, that's kind of what's been going on lately. I've kind of settled into a bit of a routine, been finding ways to manage and work through the trauma from my first childhood, finally accept and live in the love of my found family, continue in doing my hobbies and getting through work.

Maybe I should post here more often...maybe long-form posting...like journaling here...might help more. I dunno.