Christmas Day 1989 means three hosts: Bruno Brookes of Gnome, Jakki Brambles CBI, and Lord Gary Davies of Wooton, all in smart outfits (dinner jackets and no tie for the lads, a slinky dress for Jakki).
New graphics fizz and bang on and off screen, this Cypher package will be used on and off until the Year Zero error.
Mike + the Mechanics perform "The living years" - or two verses and a chorus thereof. All the energy they got from the opening is dissipated with this melancholic and maudlin and static song.
Yes, it's one of the songs of the year both in sales and importance, and it's a coup to finally get them in the studio, and the whole perf will appear on TOTP2 eventually. And we don't begrudge it a place on the show. But it really shouldn't be second up.
Marc Almond Featuring Special Guest Star Gene Pitney perform "Something's gotten hold of my heart".
Like Gary Barlobe and Lulu, like George Michael and Elton John, Marc takes the first verse so he can get overshadowed by a much better vocalist. Could have seen more of that.
#TOTP #MarcAlmondFeaturingSpecialGuestStarGenePitney #MarcAlmond #GenePitney
Given who else is in the studio, I can see why they didn't book Michael Ball - not that my mother liked the decision.
The same bit of Simple Minds' video they played for three straight weeks. Then the Madonna video re-edit we saw for a month.
"Too many broken hearts" from Jason Donovan. Our Jase is in a white cotton suit, guitar slung over his back as though he's going to play that.
Naaah, all we want is for Jason to find the camera, look through his foppish fringe, and make a million viewers go all a-googlie. The rest of us can enjoy the camera doing a slow pirouette round Jase during the chorus.
For the 1989 Brits cycle, Jason Donovan was treated as a British performer, almost got nominated in "Best British Bloke" and "Best British Single".
Would he have beaten the winner in either category? Doubt it; Phil Collins was too popular amongst the "great" and the "good" of the "industry".
Kylie Minogue cannot be with us tonight, she's just finished promoting "The Delinquents" movie and is taking a well-earned break in Melbourne.
No Soul II Soul either, they'd had a row with producer Paul Ciani over the summer about live vocals and apparently weren't invited.
We've gone from January to July in about nine minutes, with one studio performance representing 40% of the year. When this chronological format breaks down, it *really* breaks down.
Remember Bros? (Ask your kid sister.) They were big last year, but this time around was "Too much".
Matt is in a red bomber jacket with flowers on the sleeves, with matching hat. White trousers. The whole effect is rather like the Kansas City NFLball team after their travelling jackets were remixed by a bunch of Swifties.
Matt doesn't find the camera, which may be a deliberate decision, but means he looks distant, less involved than Jason a few minutes ago.
London Boys get one final run-out with "London nights". Rob is dressed as a cowboy, Edem as a cop.
Both wear spangly leather jackets with lots of rhinestones, it's not if but *when* the jackets come off to reveal the vest and muscular arms. Backflips and pirouettes in the instrumental break, natch.
The London Boys made nothing songs, and sounded so good doing it. Glad they got this swansong; a desperate shame it is their final appearance.
The Beautiful South with "Song for whoever". Paul and Dave are in casual polo-necks, the rest of the band performs.
*Really* not sure about the line of snowmen just behind them. One duff note and the band will be pulverised and turned into ice, or something like that.
Sonia and "You'll never stop me from loving you". Lots of warm lights tonight, oranges and reds dominate, there's a gorgeous pink-and-turquoise effect on the curve of the stage above Sonia. She's alone on the stage, no dry ice, none of the backing dancers from the summer.
Close camera angles mean that she fills the frame, a bundle of nervous energy. The Bonnie Langford of the 1990s.
Blackbox with "Ride on time". Another week, another studio performance - if they ever made a video, #TOTP never played it.
Katrin continues to mime to Loletta's voice, Mr. Black and Mr. Box chug out meaningless chords on their keyboards, and the whole thing is shot really very darkly. Still, plenty of close-ups of Katrin's face.
Heather Small provided the soundalike vocal on the version most of us bought, so it's her biggest hit.
Moment of the show: at the start of "All around the world". Lisa Stansfield catches the eye of the camera, delivers her opening line "I don't know where my baby is", cocks one eyebrow, and we're in her world.
Black beret, black spangly jacket, is that a little nose-ring or is Lisa pleased to see us? Kiss curls are her trademark, and the voice is something else we'll never tire of.
Vies with Jason and the Londons as Performance of the Night.
The Christmas number 1: Band Aid II with "Do they know it's Christmas?". Stock Aitken and Waterman had expected the stars to come in, sing their bits, and clear off - but the stars wanted to hang around for the big chorus, and to hang out with each other.
Bananarama talk with Wet Wet Wet! Kylie exchanges tips with Lisa Stansfield! Jason and Cliff pal about? The Pasadenas kept everyone's spirits up, and the tune sold half-a-million copies, which meant £500,000 for good causes.
For the final link, Bruno and Gary change into panto costumes as the ugly sisters, Jakki as Cinderella, and Jason Donovan comes in as the handsome prince to whisk Jakki off to the ball.
Playout is the Top of the Pops theme, "The wizard", over a montage of clips from videos of the number one singles, all ending on the "Merry Christmas" from the Jive Bunny clip.
The final scores from 1989:
Kylie Minogue 4-6 Jason Donovan
Jive Bunny 3-1 Bros
Mystery Years next!
Sir Simon Bates is in your system. Or something.
Duran Duran kick us off with "My own way", with red kerchiefs around everyone's neck - except for lead singer Simon Lebon, who has tied his around his head, the scamp!
"Daddy's home" for Cliff Richard has somehow made number 2, we're treated to a clip from BBC2's "Cliff!".
Oh, crikey. Chas and Dave's "Stars over 45". A pastiche of the medley songs we endured over the spring and summer.
The professional cockneys bang out "When I'm cleaning windows", "Any old lion", "Run rabbit run" (featuring one of the house dancers in Anya's furry bunny outfit), "The laughing policeman", "Knees up Mother Brown", and it continues long after the fadeout.
Quick plug for "The Stories Behind the Songs", where Chas's daughter Kate Garner explores - and plays - some of these music hall songs, and reminisces about her dad.
That's on the Talking Pictures channel. https://talkingpicturestv.co.uk/
Godley and Crème's "Wedding bells". The stars are in black tie, with grey-toppered ushers behind.
The audience throw confetti, and the performance proceeds down an impromptu aisle in the audience.
More imaginative staging than anything we've seen all year.
Brown Sauce started as the interval act for the Swap Shop Awards at Easter. It's a faux rock band, featuring Maggie Philbin and Keith Chegwin on guitars and vocals, with ex- #TOTP host Noel Edmonds on drums and keyboard.
"I wanna be a winner" compares their efforts to stars of the day: Barbara Woodhouse, Penelope Keith, Willie Carson. The lyric's a BA Robertson compost-heap, rhyming Keegan (Kevin, footballer) with Reagan (Ronald, actor).
Aagh! Lisa Stansfield's magic spell has been broken by Noel Edmonds' drumming!
The Snowmen have come to life, and perform "Hokey cokey".
Those four snowmen wear top hats and scarves, and a vocal sounding a lot like Ian Dury. The audience pelt them with snowballs, which may or may not be brought in from outside where it's about -10.
It comes to something when Simon Bates isn't the most frightening thing on #TOTP!
Sue from Zoo dances to Jon and Vangelis's "I'll find my way home", flailing around the studio with a long cape.
Then we've Status Quo's "Rock 'n' roll" repeated from two weeks ago. The song neither rocks nor rolls, but drifts along in a blues-country style. Sounds like the sort of pastiche Phil Pope would make.
The Human League on video, the famous story-within-a-story of "Don't you want me". Yowsers!
Altered Images' "I could be happy" for the credits dance. During which we're treated to Sir Simon Bates wearing a top hat in a wall of snowmen.
Yes, we've all taken something bizarre tonight.
Play it in full? A pleasure.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1dL0ZPpAoXs
Our first #TOTP Mystery Year was 1981. Another follows, after the continuity announcer says the magic words.
David Jensen has no idea how this Mystery Years thing works, does he,
The Maisonettes kick off with "Heartache avenue". The group's style was retro from the early 1960s, the sound owed a debt to the crunch of New Wave.
The lead singer looks like someone not to cross in a bar, though I think he'd win a fight with a snowman.
In the right circumstance, David Bowie and Bing Crosby's "Peace on earth - Little drummer boy" hits emotional buttons.
Recorded in 1977, it's a last hurrah for Crosby, a passing of the torch to Bowie. Two stars revolving around each other, and coming together for the closing moments.
Peruvian dance from Incantation, "Cacharpaya (andes pumpsa desi)" is enlivened by Zoo gyrating. Kid Jensen spoils the effect when he says they're from exotic Chiswick.
Up on the gantry is Shakin' Stevens, "Blue Christmas" begins with Incantation leaving the stage, and continues with plenty of BBC snow... or is it the snowmen after they got into a fight with Mr. Maisonette?
Observant viewers may have spotted Simon Groom and Peter Duncan in the audience, they'd just filmed the Blue Peter Review of the Year, and poked their nose into the next studio rather than "party" with Biddy Baxter.
This year's Christmas crackers are Imagination, three prime specimens ripe for the pulling. And look, one's come in his own glitter and tinsel!
The group cavort around the stage performing "Changes", their shirts evidently ripped off by the fight earlier.
The last #TOTP performance for ABBA as a recording act. "Under attack" comes on the line from SVT in Stockholm.
Sounds horridly dated, the group just stand around and sing. No energy, no stage presence, no shame that it's faded out halfway through.
Health warning: If you have a mute button, prepare to use it.
The great hope in the new, post-ABBA era? Oh, gawds,
Keith Harris and Orville with "Orville's song". The one that goes "I wish I could fly right up to the sky".
Keith is joined by a small group of young children who sway from side to side, looking almost as bored as the rest of us.
Can someone hurry up and invent Mr. Blobby?
Oh, gawds, Renee and Renato with "Save your love". Renato is in the studio for a quick interview, Renee has been replaced.
We play out with Modern Romance's "Best years of our lives", live in the studio as the crowd wave flags behind them. The band bring such energy and leave us wanting more.
Our second mystery year was 1982.
#TOTP repeats continue each weeknight at 7 on BBC4 - next week is 1998, a Whamageddon-safe 1984, 1975, 1986, and a double bill of 1983 and 1990 on Friday.
You'll be pleased to hear that I won't be live-blogging next week, probably not until the new year.
Whatever you're doing this festive season, have a pleasant and peaceful time!
Our group declare to be true
Dudula the Dud