对性少数而言，永别其实是一个很现实的事情。
我们习惯了在美丽的艺术作品里看被迫害的群体美丽地受苦，但现实中这种痛苦没有什么美丽可言。痛苦自身甚至不具有基本的体面，相反，它会让你失去优雅、丧尽尊严。
为了保护自己和他人的隐私，具体的细节还是删去吧……我现在已经连愤怒的力气都没有，只能说针对少数群体的迫害，可能在多数派眼里只是“他们罪有应得”或者“带来了轻微的不便”，可是在他们看不到的地方，已经有人因此受伤、甚至因此而死了。对于我和我的性少数家人而言，我听过的死讯远比婚讯要多。
这种屠杀不止于现实，我们在文化中的存在空间也一直很小，且有越来越小的趋势。我觉得这对我一个如此热爱语言的人而言十分残酷，因为在我不能为现实所容时，语言是我的栖息之处。
但这经典构筑的国度显然亦非我的容身之所。我看过四书五经，发现“非礼”是我的姓名，我翻遍圣书，发现我这索多玛的子民理应遭到火刑。我求佛问道，发现诸多高门僧侣认定我将堕淫邪地狱，我打开新闻播报，发现我受仇恨犯罪的兄弟姊妹又再一次死无对证。
所以我有时候真心觉得，在压倒性的绝望面前，乐观几乎是一种残忍。
For queers, parting forever is just a grim yet common situation we need to face in our daily life.
People are accustomed to seeing persecuted groups suffer beautifully in works of art, but in reality, there is nothing beautiful about this suffering. Pain itself lacks even the most basic decency. On the contrary, it strips you of grace and dignity altogether.
Out of respect for privacy—both mine and others’—I’ll omit the specifics. But I no longer even have the strength to feel angry. All I can say is that persecution against minority groups may appear to the majority as “justified punishment” or “a minor inconvenience.” Yet, in places they cannot see, people are already wounded, or worse—dead. For me and my found family of queers, I’ve heard of far more stories of deaths than stories of romance.
Reality isn’t the only place that such massacres happen. Our space in culture has always been limited, and it’s shrinking even further. As someone who deeply loves languages and literature, I find this unbearably cruel, because when I’m rejected by reality, fictions become my refuge.
Yet even the realm constructed by texts is no haven for me. I’ve read the Four Books and Five Classics, only to find that “improper” is my name. I’ve scoured the sacred scriptures of Bible, only to discover that a child of Sodom like me deserves to burn in fire. I’ve sought refuge in Buddhism, only to find that many eminent monks believe I’m destined for the hell of lust. I’ve turned on the news, only to see that my people, victims of hate crimes, have once again died without justice.
Sometimes, I genuinely feel that when facing such overwhelming despair, optimism borders on cruelty.
Brandmal