George Takei 
🏳️🌈🖖🏽Straight to jail.
EvilKiru 🇮🇸 he/him@georgetakei Yes, the DIL is indeed the asshole. [I am also a picky eater.]
YeekasooseThere are picky eaters and there are people who turn it into everybody's problem. I'd reserve judgement here.
((Jann Gobble)) 🏳️🌈@georgetakei No, the OP is NOT the asshole! They are living in the real world and not wanting to deal with the DIL drama that would inevitably occur!
Joe ❌👑@georgetakei He is doing the DIL a favor. She will avoid an unpleasant experience.
Agitatra 🚲🐻🌿🇪🇺🇺🇦@not2b @georgetakei I guess you are wrong, I don't think the DIL really is a picky eater. I'd suppose she wouldn't recognise good food when it bites her (pun intended) in the arse. IMHO she's just a drama queen. So to do her a favor she needs to be invited, so she can reign the drama.
Accipiter@georgetakei This is family. The point of the get together is to share time, not to police others' meals.
🦃 Kat Callahan 
🦃NTA.
DIL is TA.
There's nothing worse than being the only person invited to an event where you dislike the activity. In fact, if anything, it is an insult, since it shows the person doing that inviting doesn't really value you as a unique individual.
The OP should have answered forthrightly, but the DIL should know it was an act of respect to not invite her to something she'd hate, and respect for the other guests who would have to deal with the awkwardness.
Happyhelium@jezebelkat @georgetakei agree. It’d also be an insult to the chef who carefully crafted the meal for her to not touch it, and also unfair to another eager patron from whom she’d take the coveted spot.
Just like she shouldn’t be upset to not be invited to a baseball game if she think it’s the most boring sport.
OP should, however, plan another event that the DIL does enjoy with the same group assuming she just wants to feel included.
This is exactly the metaphor I was thinking of.
Well, soccer, in my case. I can't stand the sport. Have all sorts of quibbles with how it works. I spend the entire match thinking about it. It would be cruel for a family member, especially my father/mother in law, to invite me to a soccer game.
I'd feel an obligation to go, be quiet the whole time, and I'd be miserable.
We don't know DIL wasn't invited to other stuff. We only know the context of this event.
@jezebelkat @georgetakei true that we don’t know, but it will make DIL more definitely TA for calling OP “cruel” if she’s routinely invited and simply excluded from one event that would be uncomfortable for everyone including the generous host and herself 😬
Peter Lee@georgetakei
There’s no reason why she couldn’t have called the DIL and asked if she wanted to come. On the condition that she didn’t complain.
There’s no reason why she couldn’t have called the DIL and asked if she wanted to come. On the condition that she didn’t complain.
Ornery on Main@georgetakei NTA. Look at the guest list. Sisters and daughters. Blood relatives. This is a small family gathering. DIL shouldn't have even asked. Then there's the whole picky eater thing. I'm also a picky eater. If I was told that I wasn't invited to something small like this because they knew I wouldn't enjoy the food I'd thank them for thinking of me. DIL needs a reality check.
Kimsails@georgetakei
Yes, MIL is the AH.
She clearly hid the fact that the DIL was left out. Then lied when asked.
The better approach would have been to call the DIL upfront, explain the event, and ask the DIL if she would be interested - given the avant-garde food nature and her disinclination towards new foods.
If DIL still wants to go, maybe consider that she just wants to be included as part of the family - and be grateful that she *wants* that.
Fish Id Wardrobe ⁂@georgetakei No-one is the arsehole.
DIL is not the arsehole for being a picky eater (but she should examine why she feels excluded, that's not rational).
OP is not the arsehole for choosing to exclude her in an event she would not enjoy (but perhaps they should invite her to something else later).
Of course if DIL is *not* the picky eater OP is describing, all bets are off…
DIL is not the arsehole for being a picky eater (but she should examine why she feels excluded, that's not rational).
OP is not the arsehole for choosing to exclude her in an event she would not enjoy (but perhaps they should invite her to something else later).
Of course if DIL is *not* the picky eater OP is describing, all bets are off…