SunlitSorceressPeople in their 40s and 50s with no children, how does it feel?
ScrubblesShout out to [email protected]
Edit: k, idk why you downvoted me, was trying to show you another sub with an audience directly for this question that you may want to also ask, but k go ahead and downvote me OP.
Didn’t downvote you but it’s probably bc Reddit’s original childfree subreddit is a special kind of toxic hellhole; even for Reddit… which is saying something.
Most of Reddit was a toxic hellhole. It’s why I’m not on Reddit anymore.
This one is relatively as well.
!childfree
Your link doesn't link to the community on my instance, it links to the original instance, so that's a bit annoying. Maybe that's why?
I believe the way that link style works is that it does that only if your instance does not have it locally. Here on the fediverse we need one person to subscribe before it will show up on your local instance correctly
It doesn't appear that that's the case, because people on my instance have subscribed to the comm in question and the link still didn't work. When I formatted the link correctly, it worked. Unless there's an interoperability bug between Lemmy and Mbin, which is certainly possible.
Ah I’d guess that, I’m pretty sure Lemmy devs made that [email protected] syntax
It seems like in almost every thread, there are at least one or two cranky individuals that just downvote for the hell of it.
فریدون حسینیDownvotes on lemmy are pure spam. Good instances block them.
I regularly down vote things. I up vote a lot more than that, though. I’m sure the ratio is at least 3:1 or higher for up to down.
Are my down votes spam?
Yes in my opinion which is why they’re turned off on the instance I use.
𞋴𝛂𝛋𝛆skipped the zombie apocalypse
spittingimagePretty great. I have money and free time.
Jolly PlatypusFeels like the best decision I ever made.
No regrets
socsaSeriously like the most obvious fucking life hack.
Also, it's generally super weird how everyone tries really hard to convince you that you are wrong about it. Like I could take all of the collective time people have spent trying to give me unsolicited input on some random topic, and it wouldn't even add up to a tenth of the time I've spent on the "why don't you want kids?" Conversation. I'm sorry but that's sus as fuck. Like some actual brain slug shit.
it’s generally super weird how everyone tries really hard to convince you that you are wrong about it
My theory is that (volontary) childless people are less predictable to others. If you only have to take care of yourself, you need less resources (read: money) for that. An employer that knows his employee has children to care for can be treated worse in terms of working conditions and salary/ wages, because the employer knows that this employee can’t afford to quit the job, because of the responsibility for the child(ren).
If an emloyee is known to have no children, it makes him unpredictable. He could get up after a good yelling at the workplace, say “fuck it” and leave. He only has to take care for himself. Also, that employer can accumulate more money since it has not to be spent on the needs of children. That means, the employee has a bigger and longer lasting financial cushion.
Something similar applies when credits/ loans have to be paid. Having debt is a considered a “good” thing, since people are less prone to quit their jobs. On a personal level, the goal should be to become debt free as soon as possible. Not only it will result in financial freedom, it will also enhance your “fuck-it-ablilty”.
Another theory for those convincing people is that they envy your lifestyle of tranquility and spontaneousness. These people have been bullied into having children by their peer groups, because “that is the thing to do”, and “you owe grandchildren”. There are so many parents out there who would be better off if they never had children, but their relatives had convinced them otherwise.
Another theory is that people with children want you to have some, too, because they have no other topics available for discussion.
As a parent who doesn’t try to convince childless people to have children… fair point.
For some people, having children is their only life accomplishment, so they perceive other people’s choices as an “attack” on their sense of identity, which makes it feel personal, to them.
I agree but not on the debt free part. Mortgage loan at 1,45%, savings rate at 2,4 %: I’ll not try to get out of that debt sooner than planned, thank you very much :')
Track_ShovelAs a parent, I couldn’t give two shits if you don’t have kids. Not gonna convince you. It’s your story not mine.
You’re also not going to convince me I made a poor decision.
AbeilleVeganeExactly, like if someone doesn’t want kids I wouldn’t want to be their child, let them not have them
I have a kid. I love my kid. There’s also a looooooooot more sacrifice involved than I was expecting.
Not so much the money, but time and effort. Today I wanted to leave the park and go the grocery store for ONE thing before dinner. Cue negotiations to leave the park. 10mons to walk 100 yards. Issues around refusing to use the toilet before we go (young kid and car rides). Not wanting to get out of the car at the store. I could go on. Everything is just a whole fucking ordeal. Pre kid I would have got in my car, gotten the item and come home. 15mins tops. This took 1.5hrs.
I love my kid. I’m glad we had a kid. But I do not see everyone being suited to being a parent. And no one should be forced or pressured to be one.
That’s my personal opinion though.
You could really ask this question of anyone about anything. There will always be substantial differences between one person’s life and another. Having had children doesn’t necessarily denote that difference, even less so for men and some fathers don’t stick around and go live their own lives seemingly uninterrupted.
Think of how many things people sink great amounts of time and effort into; gambling, becoming a practicing doctor, hedge fund trading, starting a charity, programming… Those people will probably all have large amounts of time devoted to those things.
Of course there’ll be many things that don’t compare, and some that do… Then you must alsi factor in that it’s a trauma for some people. Some people end up not liking their children, kicking them out, disconnecting.
Human nature is hugely variable. What’s it like being a good person? What’s it like being rich? What’s it like being homeless and a drug addict? What’s it like in prison? What’s it like as mayor? Or psychiatrist? Or teacher?
What’s it like not doing any of the things mentioned here? Well, that question, your post, is really about you, isn’t it? It’s about you asking others “what would my life be if I didn’t/don’t have kids?”
So, why are you asking?
Because it’s not a bad thing to ask another person about their experiences in life. And putting it within the context of a particular life choice adds a layer of focus to the conversation.
Given your logic, no one should ever ask anyone else any question about heir personal experiences other than to retrieve information.
putting it within the context of a particular life choice adds a layer of focus to the conversation.
It won’t create a very interesting debate though, because OP already excluded most people who followed through on the opposing view in the question itself.
This extra layer of focus really functions as a filter, which can only result in a hall of mirrors.
It’s perfectly fine if OP just wanted to confirm an existing bias and need arguments for that, but it’s absolutely not a very interesting conversation.
Joyful, peaceful, content, fulfilled, educated, energetic, with a diverse set of wonderful friends, and a fun, flexible lifestyle. I retired early and wake up every day (whenever I feel like waking up) in a place I love. I laugh a lot and have a close “chosen family” who always has each other’s back. I wouldn’t trade it for the world.
makingStuffForFunI read your first sentence and after reading it I thought to myself this person sounds like they are wealthy.
Then read your second sentence which indicates you are wealthy.
I suspect that with children you would be happy also, if you are wealthy. Money really does make a difference.
But who can say?
Anyway, it sounds like things are good for you, so that’s great.
I was not born into wealth, and put myself through college on scholarships. The only reason I’m “wealthy” is because I’ve lived very frugally (and still do), and chose not to have kids. I’m not denying that I’ve had some advantages, and certainly those born into the current economy have it tougher, but overall I’ve eaten a hell of a lot of lentils, don’t subscribe to any streaming services, am not much of a consumer, and enjoy the simple things in life. Obviously not an exhaustive list, but stuff like that. It’s not for everyone, but I’m deeply content and fulfilled.
HanrahanGood, made a decision decades ago to have a vasectomy as there are way to many people in the world and misquoting Thoreau, what use a kid if no livable planet to raise them on ?
I always felt if the need to be a parent overwhelmed, I could adopt any number of abandoned kids.
I like kids but I’d fell way to guilty about having any. Not having them also let me retire at 35 and pursue my own interests, I’m now 58.
jbrainsI have a big chosen family, including people who feel like children, and even grandchildren. I don’t believe that a blood relation would make that any richer an experience for me.
bizarrolandHonestly it kind of sucks.
I always wanted a kid but it requires a partner who is able to be a parent and I have never had such a partner.
I had a pretty fucked up childhood and I wanted someone who could be a good mother to a child and everyone I've dated who had the ability to be a good mother was not capable of giving birth for one reason or another and everyone I've dated who's capable of giving birth was not capable of being a good mother for one reason or another.
I know it's not too late for me but it's getting pretty damn close.
ThoGotAdoption could be an alternative maybe
Where I live you pretty much cannot adopt if you’re past 40, except when someone put their kid in their last will for you.
I wanted kids when I was younger, but wasn’t ready to give up my freedom. Once I was ready for kids the world (and the future in particular) looks so bleak that it doesn’t seem fair to the theoretical kiddo to say ‘hey, here’s a dumpster fire - good luck’. Instead I babysit for my friends and family, spoil the kids around me, and sleep in on the weekend. I also have more time for activism and trying to ensure a brighter future for kiddos.
No regrets.
This is amazing!
No ragrets.
no rugrats
Fine. Sometimes sad. I dated someone with a kid for a while and the good parts were good. But now I’m old so it’s kind of moot.
ZerlynaJust turned 50. Was childless by choice. But I
Got custody of my 12 year old niece two years ago. (Very small family and There was no one else to take her.). I love her but I do miss my adult freedom.
richieadlerAmazing. I’m not willing to exercise the permanent sacrifices that having kids entails.
grasshopper_mouseIt’s awesome. Sure, I have moments in life that suck regardless, but in those moments I always think to myself “Wow, this would be even worse if I had kids.”
In my mid 30’s. Find myself thinking the same. Also when I’m feeling great it’s “there’s no way i could be enjoying this if i had to worry about kids”
Yup, exactly. It just seems like there’s no time to relax when you have kids, you always have to be “on”.
I used to take a bus home from work, and a woman that lived in my apartment took the same bus, so we always ended up walking into the building together. I’ll never forget that EVERY time when she opened her apartment door, you could hear two little kids yell “MOMMY!” the second that door was opened. Maybe some people love that, but to me it always filled me with a sense of dread and exhaustion. Here was this woman who just spent a full day at work and now she has to come home and essentially start her second job of being with her kids, who of course want all her attention. I felt horrible for her, and it wasn’t like she was skipping home all happy to see them, either.
Some people like it, which I’m happy for, they’re the ones who should have children. But it’s not for everyone and it shouldn’t be stigmatized. I will happily pay taxes to fund kinder care and school. I see the value in society for kids. Just not in my own home.
[I’m] in my mid-30s*
Shit that’s how you grammar!?
Syntax, not grammar
Ok. I’m still going to omit it in the future.
Omitting is fine… just a bit ambiguous. It’s the apostrophe misuse that matters :)
OrkneyKomodoHopefully no different from life now.
Ask again in a decade and some. Me and my gf really do not want kids
It’s good. Don’t have to worry about paying for any of it.
Elementary school
Middle school
High school
College
Helping out after they finish college and haven’t found a job
All the stuff during the summer
Not having to hear “ but why?!” Every ten seconds
Not having to worry about how they’ll survive in this fucked up world.
I love it but even in high school, I knew I didn’t want kids. People told me seeing my friends have kids would cause me to change my mind but it only reinforced my preference. Having kids is a huge amount of work and commitment (not to mention the expense). I love to travel and I’ve been able to go to places and do things you can’t (or just wouldn’t want to) do with kids. I also like that I was able to take risks with my career. It’s much easier to start a business or join an early stage company or whatever if you don’t need the stability kids need.
So, for me, it’s amazing. I feel for people who want kids but never had them, though. I know a few and they’re happy — freedom is a nice consolation prize — but it wasn’t their dream.
I’m in way over my head as it is. I can’t even imagine what it would be like having to be responsible for some gremlins, as well. We do not even dare get a cat (or two - you should always get two so they’re not lonely) for the same reason. Good thing my SO sees it exactly the same way. We’re both glad we didn’t have children.
Great!