There's a disgusting inversion going on right now where people try to justify incel behavior by saying men are lonely. This makes people feel bad about pushing back on this, because it sounds like you're a callous person that doesn't care about the very real pain of loneliness?
No. This is a nonsense trap.
Women get lonely. Black people get lonely. Loneliness is a real problem.
But loneliness is not justification for *checks notes* becoming a literal nazi and electing a racist dictator.
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Loneliness, combined with an extreme sense of entitlement, leads people to believe that they should be able to be terrible people, and yet somehow not lonely. It doesn't work that way.
And a lot of that loneliness is self-imposed!
White US toxic masculinity is a prison where you are your own warden. There are all these silly rules that keep white men in the US lonely and unhappy. Like seriously, we have news anchors telling men not to enjoy ice cream because that's not "manly?" Really?
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@sidereal @Ashedryden @mekkaokereke
Why a "loneliness epidemic" only for men?
Anecdotally, though, it seems true. I see a lot of women walking alone these days (even without dogs!) and they seem pretty happy about it
It could be historical discrimination leveling out
Men seem lonely because they used to be able to force women to marry them
Women seem happy because they’re finally allowed to be alone
The answer (as noted) is for men to get over themselves
@sidereal @peterbutler @Ashedryden @mekkaokereke I had a lot of trouble dating in my youth, back in the 80s and early 90s, and think a lot of my problem was that I got loneliness all mixed up with a ridiculous type of status anxiety. Yes, I got lonely, but I was also deeply afraid that I was a loser for not having a girlfriend, and the quest for a relationship was really partly a quest to level up in guy culture.
The resulting desperation can be really unattractive. Also, if your real audience is not the women themselves but other men, you create obstacles for yourself: that girlfriend had better be really impressive! You get picky in ways that are being externally imposed, nothing to do with who might be a good fit for you.
I didn't have any success until I learned to relax and stop worrying that somebody might be keeping score.
I suspect this is the fundamental problem a lot of these dudes are having.
@jayalane @sidereal @peterbutler @Ashedryden @mekkaokereke I think pop culture of 40 years ago was actually MORE toxic than today's when it came to this stuff; you had comedies aimed at teenagers going on about the age after which boys were basically ruined if they hadn't gotten laid, that kind of thing.
But what there wasn't was the online culture devoted to telling guys who were anxious about this stuff that it was women's fault for rejecting them. They were more on their own, which might have felt worse but didn't actively lead them to these very dark places.
@mattmcirvin @jayalane @sidereal @Ashedryden @mekkaokereke
That sounds right to me. Rape culture and misogyny were far more prevalent in popular movies, etc, but there wasn’t the same online echo chamber reflecting and reinforcing it 24/7/365
@peterbutler @jayalane @sidereal @Ashedryden @mekkaokereke Because it was a pop-culture fad the movies and TV shows spent a lot of time playing up the importance of the jock/nerd distinction, and the older I get the more meaningless I think that is.
It led to the infamous "I'm a nice guy" phenomenon, where straight guys who still had a lot of terrible ideas about women thought of themselves as virtuous because they theoretically valued intelligence and weren't quarterback date-rapists. But that's a hell of a low bar.
mekka okereke 
Ashe Dryden 🙆🏼♀️🐈🐈⬛
sidereal
Peter Butler
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