andyortliebWhat's going on today that you wish you could have a little help with?
WhySoSaltyKicking my ex out. I’m terrible at any kind of confrontation and at this point I do have the option of calling the police to assist. I just know that I am a doormat and am afraid I will cave if he gives me a sob story. He’s had over two years to get his shit together and leave but it’s come to forcefully removing him. I could use someone besides the police with a firm voice to convince him to get up and moving.
You can’t help anyone else if you can’t take care of yourself first. That’s a really hard position to be in, but you have to do it for your benefit and eventually for his too.
In fact, if I found out my lady wanted me out but didn’t flip the switch, I would be pretty upset about the time we lost living in that state. That time could have been spent rediscovering myself or finding my next partner. What a missed opportunity!
I first informed him I wanted him to move over 2 years ago, but he never left. Hopefully this will finally be resolved in the next week. I’m at the end of my rope, barely surviving in my own home. I hide in my bedroom, while he roams the house making a mess…I want him to be happy and healthy but that won’t happen while he’s in my house. We’re both miserable.
First I want to apologize somehow I didn’t register “ex”, and parts of my comment therefore made no sense.
Do you feel physically unsafe to confront him? If not, I think you’re within your right to flat out say “you don’t live here anymore and you need to pack now and then leave”.
He’s your ex. Nobody owes (or is owed) any interpersonal relationship from anyone else, nor any favors or support.
You already know all this though.
If you do feel threatened by him, I am always skeptical about involving police, but you have the best angle for that judgement call, maybe you should get in it. I hope there’s space for you to give him a chance not to need that though. Involving the police only due to being timid I think would be an irresponsible play.
Do you have a trusting relationship with any mutual friends that can help you mediate and navigate this?
Thank you! I did have a friend with me at the time of confrontation which helped me immensely. It did require the police as it turns out there was a warrant for an unrelated matter for him although he wasn’t arrested at the time. I think by having the police come he finally realized I wasn’t backing down and he’s run out of time. He’s now moving his most important things out and working on finding another place. He has until the sheriff’s department, which handles civil cases like this in my state, comes and officially removes him. I haven’t told him but I think I will make arrangements with him after that happens for him to get the rest of his stuff at a later date.
I feel like I have more energy now than I’ve had for the last year, I actually want to do something with my time at home other than sleep.
I’m glad to hear you’re turning that page, and I hope he chooses to as well. Congrats, and eventually congrats to him.