Previously on FoX-Men…

I briefly wrote about this geeky Big Boy™ I met while playing #mtg. A few inches taller than me, he looks like a much geekier (he plays card games) and much heavier (he has a smidge over 400lbs on an ex-high-school-linebacker frame) version of the voice actor for one Benjamin Clawhauser. I say "Big Boy™" because he definitely has a vibe to him, a certain je ne sais quoi that seems to coyly insinuate: Yeah. I'm huge, and I like it that way.

OFC, I was going to crush.

Last night, I played a few games with him, during which there was a bit more subtle innuendo rotundo— the kind where you're not sure if they're actually proud of their size or if they're making the joke first to take the wind from any fat-shaming sails. Tricky.

Then I saw who this Big Boy™ was dating. I knew he was dating someone at the store, but I did NOT think it was my favorite staffer. Those two briefly absconded for a hug, but of course, my vulpine curiosity got the best of me. So I casually peeked and I spotted it. A SQUEEZE.

For those not in the know, a squeeze can be a common maneuver in the chubby chaser and fat-admiring scenes wherein one partner (usually the thinner one) affectionately squeezes the love handle of the other (typically bigger) partner as if to say, "Gosh, you're HUGE."

I HAD to escalate. Gently…

SO. We begin a new game when Biggie (finally) notices my raccoon print mat. Having previously established that I am a furry, he coyly asks if raccoons are my favorite animal. I shake my head and gingerly rotate my (new) Hydro Flask bearing a single decal of a certain plump, be-overalled fox. And he grins.

A few minutes later and he notices that my raccoon commander (the central creature and linchpin of my deck) has an ability wherein I gain three life points whenever I spend the first four mana (resources points) per turn. In the game, there are "Food tokens", which, when spent, gain you three life points. Raccoons are a recent addition and are already strongly associated with Food and Treasure tokens because, of course.

I had yet to piece together that the three life my commander gained me was to simulate them finding free food for me. Which Biggie slyly points out. I fail to hide a blush. And then he proceeds to casually drop a few fat jokes sotto voce. "Whoa, someone's getting HUGE. You GAINED nearly 20 life in two turns!"

More blushing.

I think game nights are about to get a bit more interesting around here. At least when this jumbotron shows up. Oh what an opportunity this new animal set has been for connecting with others. What a jolly little respite this has been from, well, everything.