A thread on #adoption 👇🏻
I'll never stop being shocked at the ridiculous, shitty things non-adopted ppl will say right out loud to adoptees they don't know. Adoptees they know NOTHING about. I understand that the $21 billion /year adoption industry has our society brainwashed w/ sugarcoated bs re: adoption being nothing but rainbows & marshmallows & unicorns & dreams come true, but allow me to share some plain, hard facts.
1. Most relinquishing mothers surrender not bc they're unfit +
but bc they're single, poor, young, scared, overwhelmed. These conditions are almost always temporary, but our society pressures them to choose a permanent solution for these temporary issues. Not bc it's best for baby-to-be, but bc millions of adults covet newborns & as a result they're worth big $$$ to the adoption industry.
2. Desperately wanting children doesn't automatically make someone a good parent—or even a decent person. +
3. Adoption promises a 'better life,' but can only actually deliver a different life. Not all adoptees end up in safe, loving homes. Too many of us grow up w/ parental neglect, abuse, starvation, torture. Some of us are returned--or worse, rehomed. Some of us are molested. Some of us are murdered.
4. Not all motivations to adopt are positive. Or even healthy. Plenty are unhealthy af, in fact.
5. Ppl who aren't adopted don't know what it's like to be adopted. I don't care +
how many adoptees they know. I have 4 brothers, but I still don't know what it's like to be male. Using adoptees you THINK you know as tools to shame & silence adoptees challenging the dominant narrative is gross. It's shtty & disingenuous. STOP IT. If something an adoptee has said shocks or angers you, think about why. Listen. You might learn something. If you don't want to learn anything, STFU & keep moving. Do not argue w/ ppl about their own lived experience.
6. Every #adoption begins +
You know this, I hope, but you've had such an amazing clarity to my years of being involved in foster parents and orphan newborns. You opened my eyes to things I saw as a child helping take care of babies, but could not put words or judgments to.
Every adopted child needs to know ALL the facts about their care (or lack of it), from birth parents to whatever day they become aware of their situation(s).
Badly worded, but I hope it hits home properly.
This is a very benign example of ‘influence’ that foster parents have on orphans. A couple of kids returned to visit my family, and were drawn to the Grandfather clock we had in the living room. Every baby we took care of, would look at that clock, seeing a face in it. These older kids had dreams, remembrances of this clock. Both had only been with us three months or so. Clear evidence of how small influences can persist for years, even decades.
No one gets this. You do.
Someday we need to talk on the phone. I have so many things to tell, so many things to ask.
Boots Chantilly
dangerousmeta!