Decimal!Jul 17, 2024
There's an unfortunate crossover with people who degrade themselves, seeking compliments and affirmation, and people who degrade themselves because of dysphoria.
I think a lot of us were exposed to the first a lot, so we've been trained when someone says they don't like an aspect of themselves, to tell them "No, it's a good thing!"
But when someone actually doesn't like a certain aspect of themselves, being told it's a good thing actually only further hurts and adds fuel to the despair they feel
Show threadDecimal!Jul 17, 2024
An example of this is voices.
Someone sharing a recording of themselves singing and saying their voice is terrible.
For some, it's a lack of confidence in themselves, wishing they could love their voice like their friends love it, and they need help to see that.
For others, they really honestly wish their voice was different, and no amount of encouragement from friends will change that hearing their recording back makes them deeply unhappy with themselves.
Show threadDecimal!
Or, for a more personal example, being "handsome."
Going to church with family, I got compliments about how *handsome* I was, and it always just felt icky.
Learning more about myself, I discovered that I don't want that.
It's not that I lack the confidence in my self image, not that I just need to be convinced that "No really, I mean it! You look so handsome!"
I don't want to *be* handsome.
I want to be pretty. Cute, even.
No amount of compliments will change that.
Jul 17, 2024 at 1:11pmWeb
Show threadYzaJul 17, 2024

@Decimal i think for a lot of trans women it's not even about being pretty. i mean, we'd love that, but would still rather being an 'unattractive' woman to an attractive man. It's not about looking good, so much as it's about looking *right*

that said, it's not like the two sentiments are wholy seperate. part of looking right can be looking good. maybe having a softer chin, or more bust. this is valid too, trans or cis, and i don't want to be mistaken for saying otherwise

Show threadDecimal!Jul 17, 2024
@Yza Yeah, the basic idea I'm trying to convey is that in furry/queer circles, we've kinda built up a little cultural norm of "bullying" friends with compliments, and sometimes that's good and helps everyone!
But other times, it can actually be hurtful and invalidating, without any intention to be so.
Show threadYzaJul 17, 2024
@Decimal you're very right to do so. the nuances of this sort of thing are so important.