I’m an ally, but I don’t put my pronouns in any profile. I let people figure it out for themselves. Pronouns are only useful for talking about me anyways. If they get it wrong, it’s not really a big deal, and if it might cause confusion, I’ll correct them.

To the content of your post though, I sincerely hope that you are able to access some therapy.

You can be a trans ally regardless of how you identify gender-wise or how you feel about sharing your preferred pronouns to others.

There’s more than one way to be trans. But the mainstream centres a certain trans experience/narrative above all others that includes the gender binary and presuming everyone has enough privilege, safety, and support that they can broadcast their pronouns widely without risk of discrimination, job loss, etc. A lot of trans people do not enjoy that level of freedom of expression - temporarily while in transition or migrating to safer place, or permanently. It’s not uncommon to meet trans people who are critical of ‘pronoun culture’, which can refer to institutions doing the bare minimum to present a picture of inclusivity while failing to acknowledge current barriers.

I identify differently in different contexts, because disclosing my preferred pronouns is my right and I’m not going to do it to the detriment of my safety. Other people and institutions have to earn that trust first. So I generally don’t broadcast pronouns, and they aren’t that important to me. But when I see other people using them, I appreciate the roadmap for how they’d like me to interact with them.

I get a bit of a sense you might not yet have found an identity that really resonates with you. For me, feeling disconnected from my core sense of gender and feeling dissatisfied with life are highly associated.

I also feel similar. I don’t think I really exist, like I’m just some omniscient narrator. I don’t have much attachment to my gender either because of that, and I’m asexual. I tried to participate more in activities to make that feeling go away, but it only got stronger as the years pass by.

To cope with that, I try not to think about labels too much. Go for what you truly feel. I’m cis, but would like to get a nullification surgery one day. What the LGBT is about, is making you feel comfortable, making you feel like your true self, no matter how weird or unexplainable it is.

[Reader, beware: take what I say with a grain of salt. I’m not trans, I just happen to have a few trans friends here and there.]

I think that people in general confuse the symbols too much with what they represent. Third person pronouns in English might symbolise your gender identity, but they aren’t the identity itself; first and foremost, you’re still you, regardless of those words. Just pick whatever you feel more comfortable with - be it “he/him”, “any”, or any other choice.

And remember that your choice of pronouns doesn’t dictate who you are. Even if you see yourself as effeminate, and even if you have an unclear identity, and go for he/him, there’s no contradiction. Same deal if you pick “any” and see yourself as a man.

And I feel like a lot of trans people have the same identity struggles as you do, or at least know someone in the same situation. Based on that I don’t think that the ones in good faith would bat an eye towards something like “he/him/any”.

My homie, you can be an ally the same way us cishetero folks can. You just support trans folks however and whenever you can. How you choose to self label is 100% independent of that, even when that self label is no label at all.

Just don’t use the pronoun labeling at all, you’ll be fine. I don’t think I’ve run across anything where you’re required to have it. There might be, but I haven’t run across it.

Your self, your sense of identity is just as valid as anyone else’s.