I relate to this on such a deep level. I really dread using any toilet that doesn’t have a bidet now. I can’t figure out why they aren’t everywhere . It has to be better for the environment.

Imagine the filth in your average public restroom.

Now imagine if they were all designed with powerful fountains that spray water up and out of the device if not intercepted by an anus.

I’m pretty sure “this is why we can’t have nice things” is true in this case, just pre-emptively.

The wonderful thing about every bidet I’ve ever used is that they require intentional actions to be activated. I have never gotten a surprise spray yet.

I had one with analog pressure control. It was basically just a valve with a limiter you hooked up to toilet’s water line. If your hand slips, you got to do a little spring cleaning. It was not as refreshing as the task sounds.