I relate to this on such a deep level. I really dread using any toilet that doesn’t have a bidet now. I can’t figure out why they aren’t everywhere . It has to be better for the environment.

Imagine the filth in your average public restroom.

Now imagine if they were all designed with powerful fountains that spray water up and out of the device if not intercepted by an anus.

I’m pretty sure “this is why we can’t have nice things” is true in this case, just pre-emptively.

The wonderful thing about every bidet I’ve ever used is that they require intentional actions to be activated. I have never gotten a surprise spray yet.

Surprises of that sort aren’t really the problem, tho that would be… wild.

The intentional abuse of the devices would be the problem, as would unintentional misuse (eg they are in the wrong position and it misses entirely, or they don’t know what it is and mess with the controls while standing in front of it).

First thing I did after installing a bidet was shoot water 3m onto a wall.

Same, honestly.