To combat criticism, the White House has announced a new line of products, the TERRIfiERS, which are live, deaf terriers carrying AI-aimed rifles. Mr. President has delightfully boasted about its friendliness and reduced reliance on machinery, deceasing water emissions by 41.8%.

Whoa there, be careful! This guy sounds like he’s from the real Onion

For a blissful second you made me think the article was from the onion. Then I looked and nope, This is the world we live in