Real men don’t wipe. Real men leave that brown shit of superiority staining their ass and underwear. It’s a display of dominance. Show that washing machine whose boss. Let your wife and girlfriend see the proud steak of freedom, a signature of your manliness written upon the very fabric of the garments you wear closest to your body.

Watch men of weaker constitution and lower stature run away from you, and give you the space and respectful deference that you deserve. You are a king, and kings don’t worry about such literal shit.

Let it eventually mark your truck seat as warning to weaker men what sort of beast occupies that vehicle and you will never again have to worry about criminal scum trying to take your vehicle for fear of your retribution, for they beared witness to the throne upon which a real man resides.