Brain: "So it's time we finally had this talk."
About what?
B: "Well, you know you're ace, right? I mean, you've tried to force it - were forced (read: coerced) to try it - and you KNOW it just... isn't you, yeah?"
... yeah?
B: "Maybe it's the same with romance?"
No no no. See... I like romantic things! I like the idea of that level of intimacy.
B: "Yeah! I know. But, just like with sex, you like being a font of romantic energy for others but... hate it directed at you, right?"
...
B: "Let's look at the facts: it's been YEARS since you've been in a relationship and you haven't tried to pursue one"
I've been busy!
B: "No one's THAT busy."
Plus! I get touch starved!
B: "That can be fixed with intimacy with close friends. That's not a 'relationship'."
What about-
B: "We already touched up on the 'romance' part of things."
... but does it WORK like that?
B: "I mean I thi-"
Lemme check wikipedia. It might give me some insight.
B:
Hmmm... not really getting a consensus on what it means to be aro...
B: "Forget the definitions. What do you FEEL?"
I feel... like I need another source.
B: "Stop. Definitions on identity aren't the end-all be-all for people. IF it doesn't serve you, then what use are they? How do you FEEL about who you are?"
I feel... worried.
B: "Continue."
That... I'm an imposter? Like... a tourist trafficking in identities that aren't mine? Hell, I KNOW I'm ace and, yet, I still keep doubting it.
B: "Go on..."
That if I finally append that identity to me; that if I accept it, I'll be officially closing off that chapter in my life and I'm not sure if I'm ready.
B: "Why?"
Because... I don't know if the world might overcorrect and see me unworthy of ANY relationship. Just... not ready for the potential loss of any level of intimacy with people if they realize I have nothing to offer them. Potentially.
B: "There we go."
So... do you have any kernels of wisdom you'd like to impart about this feeling?
B: "Me? No no no. See... I'm you. You're literally talking to yourself here. I got nothing."
...
B: "I'm just... a coping mechanism that you're using to finally talk your way through this part of your life - of your identity - so that maybe you can find some peace in your journey.
... I got nothing beyond that.
I don't know what you were expecting...."
óÓÒò Spotted Menace óÓÒò
Ciraeon