ballywogFeb 10, 2024

There needs to be a remedial kindergarten class for adults who still don't know that is is rude to continually stare at people.

https://lemmy.world/post/11791550

There needs to be a remedial kindergarten class for adults who still don't know that is is rude to continually stare at people. - Lemmy.World

I do not like to be stared at. Yes, I know that is my problem and I should not expect the rest of the world to conform to my issue. There, happy? Everytime you complain nowadays people want to tell you “maybe the issue is you and you should not expect the rest of society to adjust to your issues”. There I said it for you…can we continue? However, there are some adults that will just look and look and look at you when you enter a room and it’s nonsense. There’s nothing new under the sun. I want to ask them, “Have you never seen a human being before?” I am a dude. I imagine this is 1 million times worse for women. Staring in public, waiting your turn in line, maintaining a normal talking volume in public. I think I learned all that in kindergarten or before. Some adults need to Billy Madison themselves and go back to kindergarten.

Show threadpeopleproblems

You already stated the obvious “maybe the issue is you and you should not expect the rest of society to adjust to your issues.”

“I do not like being stared at.” While we can agree it’s rude to stare, being bothered by it enough to make a post is beyond what most of us consider a “normal” amount. Why do you not like it?

I suspect the answer is a thought leading to this feeling. You may not even recognize that thought. If I were in your shoes with my similar experiences in feeling this way, it usually stems from a subconscious thought of “I’m doing something wrong.” You are judging yourself for the behavior of other people. If other people were staring at you in judgement:

  • You can’t control anyone other than yourself. You do not have the ability to force someone to stop staring.
  • You can’t control what a person thinks. If they are staring in judgement thinking you look weird as shit, you can’t prevent that.
  • You also can’t read their mind. You can’t assume why they are judging, and even if you ask them why they are, they have no obligation to give you a truthful answer.

    • What I would do in a situation like this, is start to tweak whatever the automatic thought is. To do this:

  • Identify the thought - this is crucial. Name it. Connect emotions to it.
  • Find more reasonable explanations than the thought. “I must look familiar to them.” "They look deep in thought."
  • Modify your behavior to address it in a constructive way to help you change the thought. An easy one here is to give a little wave. In most cases the person will probably realize what they are doing and stop staring.
    • Feb 10, 2024 at 6:55pmWeb
    Show threadballywogFeb 10, 2024

    You already stated the obvious

    I wrote what I wrote because I did not want someone like you to write a wall of text telling me how the problem is me. You were unable to figure that out.

    See. You have proved my point. You can no longer vent in society because people will tell you that it is due to some personal deficiency you have and that you need make an effort to change. Meanwhile the people being rude can continue on and never change or burn a calorie contemplating how their actions affect others. You proved my point.

    Show threadpeopleproblemsFeb 10, 2024

    I didn’t say the problem was you. I gave a way to go about dealing with it effectively.

    You can’t change other people. It won’t happen. Literally impossible, like violating causality, or diving by zero.

    Seriously, try this out. Contemplate what your automatic thought is causing all this to be so bothersome.