Caradoc879Dec 28, 2023

I need to stop being angry at bad behaviors

https://lemmy.world/post/10066959

I need to stop being angry at bad behaviors - Lemmy.World

I’m having a borderline emotional breakdown at the realization that I’m slowly starting to hate my cat. He’s such a good boy most of the time. For years he’s done the occasional poop on the linoleum by his litter box out of protest, but lately he’s gotten so much worse. Sometimes I’ll close the door to my office while I’m working, and instead of getting my attention and asking to be let out like he used to, he’ll just immediately go on the carpet right behind me. Today I found myself yelling and chasing him around the house as a response. I know that wasn’t the right response. It adds to his trauma, makes him scared of me, and makes me feel like a bad cat parent. I’m so awful. We have another cat and they dont really get along, but it’s happening more frequently recently even though weve had the new onr for over a year. There’s other behaviors like crying at night and waking us up. He’s an old man and I know that’s part of it too, but I don’t want all my freshest memories of my little baby to be ones where I’m angry. I don’t want that to be how I remember him when his time comes.

Show threadJoshua Nozzi

A vet visit and maybe some mental health professional time for you too. It sounds like there are several problems here and it’s not all cat.

Just remember that if he’s old, he may very well be going deaf and / or senile and absolutely does not understand why you’re so angry with him all the time now when you didn’t used to be. He may not know where you are, or where he is. He’s calling out for you. For his people. For comfort.

If it’s time to say goodbye then so be it, but at least have enough compassion to give him a few weeks of good spoiling time and forgiveness before you do it. And by goodbye, I don’t mean abandoning him.

The rest of this is going to sound harsh but it needs to:

HAVE SOME DAMNED COMPASSION.

I understand your frustration, but SUCK IT UP, evaluate his health (and yours) and make some changes or hard decisions. You signed up for this when you took responsibility for this little life, knowing they get old like we do. Mistreating or abandoning him because of it makes you a shitty human being.

Do the right thing.

Dec 28, 2023 at 6:58pmWeb
Show threadCaradoc879Dec 28, 2023
What the fuck, dude. I get your sentiment but you’re being so mean. I already know I have issues. Don’t need to be so aggressive and call me a shifty human. Jesus christ.
Show threadJoshua NozziDec 28, 2023

Mean? It’s mean to tell you chasing your elderly cat and yelling at him for sudden behavioral problems is wrong and needs to stop?

If your goal here was to ask a bunch of cat people to make you feel better about your behavior, it was extremely misguided at best.

Your original post is chock full of entitlement and cluelessness. You even express worry that the newer young cat might remember how you’re treating the older cat, the implications of which deserve a lot more directness than I’ve given you about your behavior.

You posted an admission that you feel like shit for abusing your elderly cat for developing problems and you think being told firmly and in no uncertain terms that you need to have compassion and make some changes is mean?!

Grow up.

Show threadGombeenSysadminDec 28, 2023
Jfc man, take your own advice.
Show threadJoshua NozziDec 28, 2023

No.

Telling someone they need to stop their abusive behavior and get their elderly cat medical help and themselves mental health help is compassion.

Dancing around the issue and trying to make them feel better about chasing their elderly cat around and yelling at him is the opposite of compassion.

I will not coddle abuses against the helpless.

Show threadCaradoc879Dec 28, 2023
I acknowledged it wasn’t appropriate behavior. The point is there’s no need to call it out again in such an aggressive way, especially when it’s already been acknowledged.