@RickiTarr I believe the answer should be zero for me. But I teach what I allow. If I let a bit of it in, it becomes normalized

Some behaviors I was taught to believe it was reactionary due to my behavior (think parent justifying spanking their child). & if I didn't want the abuse I should not "motivate it"

So what I have learned is to set clear boundaries on what I view to be abusive & not tolerable and never budging on it. Once I budge then I am allowing it. (Give an inch they take a mile)