Ricki Yasha TarrHow much abuse do you think people should take?
Is the number zero?
Guess what, you're people.
Roknrol@RickiTarr This is where it gets a bit complicated for me.
How much abuse is unintentional? Not everyone shares the same reality, even with shared experiences. How much mistreatment is a direct result of an abused person learning bad ways to cope with the abuse?
I'd wager: most of it.
While casting blame isnt the goal, the only way to convince someone that they have a problem is to confront them, and that comes with a whole different batch of different reactions.
Not excusing it at all, and starting with ourselves can probably help quite a lot, but I dont think it's necessarily the abused and the abusers so much as everyone (basically) being a bit of both.
@roknrol Abuse is a choice, I came from an abusive home, I have plenty of issues from it, I choose not to pass it on. Everyone has this choice if they tell you they can't, that's gaslighting, if they're aware enough that they have an issue, they are aware enough to choose not to engage in it.
@RickiTarr I have to disagree.
When my wife is overruling control of every part of our shared life it's not out of some malicious intent to demean me and reduce my power. It's a response to her lifetime of being raised in a household where she didn't have any control at all, and then HAD to be independent while finishing her teen years and raising a child. I don't blame her for the way that she is.
But, the way that she is is incompatible with the way that I am, and I find some of her behaviors to be abusive.
The gaslighting I can't explain away...maybe there's something similar there, maybe not, but not ALL of the abuse is intended abuse, at least, not in her case.
Make of my opinion what you will. I know how it sounds. I really do pity her, but not enough to put up with it any longer.