i may have gravely underestimated the actual depths of my difference and alienation from the average, "normal" human. my specific neural makeup, and my resulting apathy (if not downright contempt) for pretty much all the floating opinions of the herd that get put on pedestals and worshipped always isolated me, and i was always aware of this.
but today i learned that humans actually develop a sense of what they find attractive based on what the herd says is attractive. and they just... agree!
i'm not sure how to properly convey to someone like that in what way i'm different, but here's an attempt:
you know how you can enter a store, and you sort of have an overall idea (or a specific list) of what you need and what you want?
as in, you are free to pick out anything, as long as you pay for it, and some of that marketing & product placement tries really hard to manipulate your brain into buying it, but you're not actually obligated to buy specific things.
I'm now wondering if it was one thing or a bunch of smaller things that set me down this path, but the old accepted wisdom in sociology was that we make compromises in society because it's a better quality of life than the jungle.
That's how I always felt about it: I tolerate society. I'm a 'member' for its services, begrudgingly, and for as long as the contract holds. I suppose, emotionally speaking, I don't "live" in society, not the way others seem to; it seems I'm just passing through.
Malkaiden