In my local they have a computer controlled till, so when they run a tab they put a name on it so they know who it was for. I have previously related in these pages how the staff put mine in as “Stucas” because I drink Thornbridge Lucas lager, and then when I switched to Mittel they gleefully switched to “Stuart Mittle” in response. But now it turns out that they have a new wheeze; I didn’t realise why everyone was giggling until I discovered that tonight’s tab is in the name of “Stu shuga tits”