anonymousWhat's something you just learned, that you should have known for a while?
the_thirdWhen you’ve been a good terms with a person close to you and they die, the pain will be like nothing you’ve ever experienced before and there is absolutely nothing you can do to make it stop.
But: Those are waves. At first it’s just constantly all over everything with no end in sight but then there’s suddenly a first moment of calm and then it starts again. Those moments get longer with time, for now, endure.
My brother passed away in November - it hit me worse than many losses I’ve experienced. The calm and waves of sadness is so accurate, but nothing can prepare you for it; I spent years preparing for my brother’s death, but it did nothing when it actually happened.
I spent years preparing for my brother’s death, but it did nothing when it actually happened.
I had about a week between my dad being placed in ICU and his death. I saw it coming and I tried to get my mind into a place that would somehow hopefully cushion the impact when his final moment would be there and you know what, it didn’t do shit.
A few minutes ago I feel apart when I cut a breakfast sandwich because that’s what he used to to for me when I was, maybe fourteen. It was one of the things he tried to do to make things easier for me. I can’t fucking cut sandwiches without crying right now. It’s all just fucking shit.