Nuclear output 12.2021: 5599.8 GWh
Brown coal output 8.2023: 5422.0 GWh
Black coal output 8.2023: 2049.2 GWh

So if you, y'know, hadn't shut down those nuclear plants, you'd be burning 1/4 as much coal as you actually are.

Sure, but nevertheless they're burning a lot more coal than they would be if they hadn't pointlessly shut down their nuclear plants.

"We were able to grow enough soybeans to replace half of the whale meat we were eating, but we can't replace the other half yet because even though we have plenty of lentils, we hate lentils and don't want to eat them anymore"

pointlessly shut down their nuclear plants

So you’d rather they instead got another round of fuel rods from the russians? Because afaik swapping out those fuel rods for american designs would not have worked without redesigns of the reactors (not feasible in the time available). Besides, the plants were scheduled to shut down for a while now, some of their safety certifications running out shortly after shutdown due to those plans. Renewing those certifications in time would have been a mammoth task better spent on more renewables.

There can be a discussion about the order of planned shutdowns here (coal before nuclear) but to argue the plants lifetime should have been emergency extended is pretty delusional. Such a thing was simply not possible given the constraints present.

I don't work for anybody, and I don't know what list of talking points you think I'm repeating other than the specific assertion that Germany shouldn't have shut down its nuclear plants.

I could just as well accuse you of astroturfing for the coal power lobby.

But since you're accusing me of being a shill anyway: yes, nuclear power is clean and safe and our refusal to embrace it has cost us decades of progress in reducing carbon emissions + is continuing to do so now. The anti-nuclear lobby has a tremendous amount of blood on its hands and I'm not the least bit ashamed to be on the opposing side to them.