Sometimes something happens that reminds me of the most unspeakable parts of my past and I'm filled with a hopeless, witless fury and despair. Voices from that time resurface to tell me I'm bad and worthless and deserve nothing but contempt, and then I hate myself for it. I spiral quickly and fight myself so that I don't flee from the people I love to spare them from that deep wretchedness. It's very hard to fight that monster when she looks just like you in the mirror.