Start with first principles - who is saying this, and are they correct?

Well it’s correct that I (almost) always have an answer for everything they’re saying, am I supposed to feel bad about that? I don’t feel like it’s a valid criticism, but ironically I don’t know how best to respond to that because it just doesn’t make sense to me.

I don’t think it’s correct to say that I “have” to be right, I’m open to being wrong, in this case I’m usually not; again, why am I being blamed for something that doesn’t seem like a fault?

Having the last word is the most nonsensical one to me, since it’s often unclear when anyone’s word would end up being the last word or not depending on if another word is spoken afterward, and by them saying that technically their word is after mine, and I could just as easily say that any “word” they said was trying to be the last one. What if a word is just a word?

On the chance that you’re a fellow neurodivergent, I’m going to share something I discovered after moving back in with my mom. We neurodivergents think of information like one might think of rock collecting. We collect information, compare its shininess and smoothness to other pieces of information, roll it over in our hands. We’re eager to show information to people, and eager when someone shows us a new piece of information. Anyone enlightening us has our full attention and enthusiasm. And when we get corrected? That is the smoothest, shiniest stone. We collect that voraciously.

But 1) not everyone shares our information-collecting obsession. And 2) everyone has a weakness to their own special kind of rock – their own, private kryptonite. And we neurodivergents tend to ignore the pain when we pick up our own kryptonite because we figure "information is always good (even if it hurts)."

But it’s not good to expose a person to the information that is their kryptonite. Even our fellow neurodivergents, who will be begging us, “please, bring it closer! Knowledge is power! I must grow!”

As a neurodivergent, you must learn which rocks are kryptonite to which people. You must learn to withhold extremely relevant information in the exact conversations when it’s most pertinent – and do so precisely because its pertinence is why it’s kryptonite to the person. And you must learn to do so even with fellow neurodivergents.

Acceptable:

• ✅ - the social behavior of bonobos
• ✅ - the Flynn Effect
• ✅ - the origin of the name of various open source software projects
• ✅ - the economic argument against slavery (that’s Roman history)
• ✅ - the fact that the McDonald’s coffee lawsuit was actually justified, and the whole story was twisted by corporate propaganda

Unacceptable:

• 🚫 - “Tucker Carlson has been caught lying” >> [this logic here] >> “Tucker Carlson is probably not trustworthy, going forward.” (people hate that logical bridge!)
• 🚫 - the damage that you see a person’s religion of choice doing to their psyche (people really hate that)
• 🚫 - most of the situations in which someone’s beliefs are incorrect

If you want to discuss the “unacceptable” topics with people, you must look up street epistemology. But keep in mind as you learn it: discussing these topics productively will actually be painful for you if you’re a neurodivergent. As you perform street epistemology, you will be asking questions, and the person answering you will be espousing an unbearable symphony of incorrect beliefs. And you have to hold back your urge to say, “well, actually” several times per second as they do.

Huh… Didn’t know that. But it explains so much.

As a neurodivergent, you must learn which rocks are kryptonite to which people. You must learn to withhold extremely relevant information in the exact conversations when it’s most pertinent

One of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.

I know, right? It’s so uncomfortable!

Indeed. Almost every single day, I find myself stopping myself from blurting out a “shiny rock” to share. It’s disheartening sometimes.

I mean, the real answer is for us to get around people who are tolerant of neurodivergents. But it’s hard for anyone to choose their social circles.

I hang out in a space full of neurodivergent people who are constantly sharing their shiny rocks. In the first few years it was pretty awesome, I was learning a lot. Lots of practical things relating to the scene.

Now it’s become this thing where I can see it happening almost before it starts. And it’s exhausting in part because I know the information now. But more so, it’s exhausting because it’s so clear how it’s shallow social interaction. It’s not the deeper discussion or human connection I’m after.

The nature of the space, the scene, means there will be lots of people like that all the time. Sharing their shiny rocks instead of themselves.

It’s not so bad one on one, at all, I can manage it and I can help encourage them. But when there is a gaggle of people exchanging all their shiny rocks I just don’t know what to do.

Yeeeeaaaaah… I can see that. All of it.

• The "sharing shiny rocks instead of themselves,"
• The shiny rocks getting exhausting
• The sharing of them getting repetitive
• The pushing away other people.

That does sound tiring, man. Sorry you’ve found yourself in such a situation.

But also… what’s one random, interesting thing you learned from the group? (sorry)

Oh, no worries. I just hope my description is relatable to someone and extends what you said. I think it’s an interesting framing, especially for someone new to conceptualizing this sort of thing, giving it a framework.

I’ve frankly learned a lot about game engines, 3D modeling, and coding via these groups. The illumination of all the systems behind the scenes is what has been most valuable and interesting. I’m having trouble pinpointing one thing. 😅 There is a lot of “trivia” or arbitrary facts to learn when dealing with game engines.