I have been clinically dead on two occasions. Once from meningitis, 108 F fever, seizures and heart stopped for 4 minutes.

The second time was severe blood loss, requiring 4 transfusions, surgeries, cpr, oxygen and defibrillator after my heart stopped.

The first time I remember getting tunnel vision, then kind of floating from the ceiling watching the room. I was a child then and my brain definitely wasn’t working, but I was too young to know about out of body experiences.

The second time was in my 20’s with no head injury. Everything just started whiting out and seeming far away. I sunk back while attempting to explain to the nurse and then that was it. She looked really concerned and ran out, but I had no cares or pain at all. Just a fading into the distance.

It was like I didn’t exist, time didn’t exist. Totally different than sleeping or anesthesia. Slowly became aware of a noise. It went on until I slowly started to see as well. Then thoughts started again. I noticed the loud noise was the air being forced out of my lungs from CPR. It went on a bit, I was aware of it but not concerned or thinking anything.

The doctor doing it was telling them to ready the defibrillator again, and in that pause I said I was awake and/or attempted to move. That was about the time I even realized what was happening. Somehow the room had filled with at least 8 concerned people and all that time had passed instantaneously for me.

They said I had no heartbeat for several minutes and had been clinically dead. Spent 3 days in ICU listening to my neighbors die, then two weeks in rehab center, followed by 6 months of recovery. I didn’t eat, drink or go to the bathroom for a week besides IV and catheter. Even trying a single sip of broth after 3 days of nothing was so difficult. I had no hunger.

Also to add a follow up. I had ptsd and my only serious interests are meditation, philosophy and spirituality since this occurred. I feel a strong sense that everything in life is illusionary, just a projection of the mind. I don’t remember anything but the nothingness and timelessness but I feel like there was something more to it.

I do not want to be brought back again the next time this happens. That would mean at least two more deaths to experience instead of one more. 3 times is enough. The hardest part wasn’t being dead, but the dying process and then the long recovery.

People often think about death as some kind of positive non-existence when in reality death can’t by definition be experienced. If it feels like something then it’s the process of dying people are talking about. Not being dead. I believe the closest thing to death we can “experience” is general anesthesia and the people who have gone thru that know there’s nothing to experience. Just a teleportation from one moment to another.

This actually makes me believe in some form of “rebirth”. Not in the sense most people think about it but since consciousness can only experience being but not “not being” then it seems very likely that death just means that your experience moves from one place to another. If there’s a break in between you can’t experience. You just can’t help but keep having experiences.

Really interesting stuff. Sam Harris made a fascinating podcast about this subject. As a subscriber I can give free links to the full episode if you’re interested. Just send me a PM.