My wommon asked on FB, Can anyone recommend a carpenter to build us a replacement set of stairs? This being Fairbanks, at least half the answers were, You know you can do that yourself? GAWD, you people.

We hired a carpenter, who is building us this absurdly stable thing of beauty that we could never in our natural lifetimes have managed.

Suck it, DIYers. God bless and keep our specialists.