I’ve hit almost rock bottom in both mental health and the antidepressant weaning process. I’m so over everything, including myself. I cracked and cried today after having a hell night, awake most of the night, then not being able to stay awake throughout the day (so I know tonight so be yet another hellish wakeful night). I woke abruptly this afternoon from a nightmare about a previous nightmare flatmate when I micro vomited out one nostril. That was fun. I still have 2 more nights at the lowest dose then 2 nights of nothing before I can start the new antidepressant and to say it’s a challenge would be an understatement. Then I have to wait and see if I have an adverse reaction to it and, if not, wait 2-3 weeks for it to kick in. That’s best case scenario and frankly, unlikely based on prior history with trialling other antidepressants. I’m trying to tell myself it’s all going to be ok but I’m my current headspace that’s almost impossible to believe.

One positive though, I had an absolutely amazing call with Beyond Blue about an hour ago. The universe definitely gave me the exact person I needed to speak to in that moment. She encouraged me to call back as many times as I need to to help me get through this, which was really lovely, especially when I don’t want to be dumping my negativity all over my friends right now.