Brain has been wanting to slip into “fat dad” headspace. I haven’t let myself go there for a while, for reasons. It still hurts too much.

But, I just want to cuddle up against a big older dad bearchub. My head on his chest. My hand playing casually with his belly. Feel his warmth against me.

It’s something I’ve experienced before, and it was wonderful. Felt like I belonged.

But at the moment… I don’t really want to go there, because it hurts to think about what was. Or could have been.