LuciaOne reason that I'm so up-front about surviving a cult is because it took me so long to even realize that I was in one. Cults are by nature very good at removing you from criticism and demonizing those outside. When they have you isolated from any outside information, it makes it nearly impossible to leave.
It wasn't so much the church I grew up in that was culty. My family took the admittedly problematic teachings of that church to the extreme. In this thread I'm gonna try to talk about some of my experiences. I will be referencing former cult member and cult expert Dr. Janja Lalich (https://www.janjalalich.com).
(All quotes from Dr. Lalich trimmed for brevity.)
A cult has 'unquestioning commitment to its leader, and regards his belief system as the Truth, as law.'
This aspect was taught in the church and the home. While I think most religions believe they are the Truth, we had a hierarchy of unquestionable leaders. There was the god of the bible, then our pastor, then our father and head of the house. Both the pastor and the father had a responsibility to lead those under them, and were the revealers of the truth and law found in the bible. Some things were taught in the church as being up to interpretation, which left room for my father to be a source of original truth and law.
'Questioning, doubt, and dissent are discouraged or even punished.'
Here, my home was much stricter than the church. The church told us we could question teachings -cautiously- but to beware that the devil was trying to pull us away. At home however, we were completely forbidden and punished for questions. We were supposed to believe and obey immediately and without second thought. The mere fact that the authority told you was all that you needed to know. I would be yelled at, put in time-out, or physically abused for being a child and asking how and why questions.
'Mind-altering practices are used'
My church did not use any method like this that I recall. At home was a different story though.
I was drugged almost every night for months because I was having trouble sleeping. I had an extremely early bedtime so I wasn't tired, and what kid wants to go to bed anyway. I was also having recurring nightmares about going to hell. A month or so into the drugging, I started having hallucinations every night.
My parents didn't believe I was hallucinating so they kept the dosing up for months. Finally once they stopped, the hallucinations stopped. They did say (in front of me) that they were happy I was so terrified for my future, and that the nightmares and hallucinations would help keep me scared straight.
'The leadership dictates, sometimes in great detail, how members should think, act, and feel.'
I was taught in church and at home that there was a certain way that I needed to live. Not only could I not lash out over some situation, but I couldn't even think angry thoughts or allow myself to feel upset. Any feelings that were not pure, lovely, or of a good report, were not allowed to be in our minds. Having feelings of all sorts is something that is only natural, but we were told that it was a sin and the furthest thing from what god wants.
'The group is elitist, claiming a special, exalted status for itself'
I was taught that only those who believed nearly identically what we believed would get to spend an eternity in heaven. We were god's chosen people who would get to spend eternity in the perfect magical place he prepared just for us. We were his children, and he loved us very dearly. We were better than everyone else who didn't see the truth in the bible.
'The group has a polarized, us-versus-them mentality, which may cause conflict with the wider society.'
In my world, there was no gray. There was only good vs evil. This wasn't just those who believed and those who did not. We were taught that anyone who didn't believe was just as bad as the worst human you can imagine.
My neighbor friend growing up went to a Catholic church with his family. I was forced to give him and his mom tracts and invitations to our church many, many times. When they politely told us over and over again that they weren't interested, I wasn't allowed to hang out with them anymore. They weren't just 'misguided' or anything rational like that. They were evil and were blinded to the truth.
'The leader is not accountable to any authorities'
My pastor did not consider himself unaccountable to authority. However, there was this fetishization of a scenario where the government outlaws Christianity, and we could all finally ignore local authorities. Once the government outlawed our faith, the only authority left was god's authority over us.
While we were taught that the US was a Christian nation (lol), we could all see it backsliding away from it's faith-based roots. It was only a matter of time until the (political) Left™ came for our faith and we were free from earthly authority. (I'd like to talk more about the politics of my cult, but that's for another thread.)
'The leadership induces feelings of shame and/or guilt in order to influence and control members.'
Of course, there's the basic Christian guilt of knowing you're born a sinner, and constantly sinning, but add onto that the extra rules and thought control. Having lewd thoughts is normal for most people after puberty, but it was off limits for us. Having lewd thoughts was just as bad as cheating on a spouse.
Now add to that accountability partners, someone who we are supposed to spill our dirtiest struggles to. Now you can add peer pressure to their tactics since you didn't want to lie to your accountability partner.