I recognise this. My sister had anorexia and was in danger for her life many times. I received some quite difficult phone calls and messages due to this. I have been scared of the sound of my phone for many years. I even got palpitations when I heard the sound of other people’s phones in public if it was similar to the sound my phone used to have.

Over time, the anxiety got less and less. I now still prefer to have my phone in silent mode, but I do not get stressed when the sound is on anymore or when I hear it. I think it got better once I got EMDR treatment for the PTSD I had due to my sister’s illness.

I, of course, cannot diagnose you or anything. But it might be a good idea to get some professional support. For me, it was difficult to get the help, as I did not want her to blame herself or feel bad about something she couldn’t do anything about. Her life was already hard enough. On the other hand, I felt guilty about getting help and not telling her. I did the latter and just got the help I needed without telling her.

I am not saying lie to your wife. My idea was to tell my sister eventually when she was stronger. I do want to say that if guild or wanting to protect your wife is stopping you from getting the help you need, maybe you can just go and figure out together with the therapist how you can tell her and involve her in the therapy. You are important too and you deserve help and support too.

This is me. I’d just been diagnosed with a rare life threatening illness but I lived in a different city from my family and most of my friends. I was fielding calls constantly from my family, friends and my boss trying to explain what was happening to me, what the treatment was, when I’d be back to work. So many times I got a call to say I was neutropenic and needed to go to hospital ASAP. And then my brother attempted suicide. Single worse phone call I’ve ever received. After that I got panic attacks every time the phone rang. It kept getting worse, to the point that I couldn’t listen to voicemails even.

Now my phone is always on silent and most the time on do not disturb. I only answer phone calls from one person - my mum who lives 100 miles away. Even those calls cause panic if I’m not expecting them. I don’t have voicemail turned on. I can’t listen to voice memos. Video calling is even worse. My doctors now have my partners phone number because I simply can’t handle talking on the phone. I can text and I can email. But phone and video calls are completely off limits.

It’s been 15 years. 15 years I’ve lived like this. I was diagnosed with PTSD 18 months ago, just before I lost my mental health care. I have no help, no idea how to help myself. I’m sorry I don’t have anything helpful to add, I just haven’t come across people like me before. Plenty of people dislike the phone and avoid it, but they don’t break down in mess of tears and hyperventilation at the mere sound of a ringtone. I’m so embarrassed about it but I just can’t “get over it”.