Tonight's #therapy session could very well have been a very teary one in light of a sad work event today (a colleague being unjustly & suddenly ousted) & my feelings over a few negative events at London Trans Pride this weekend.
Instead, it turned into a highly-uplifting session, full of positivity, smiles, & laughter.
I'm not quite sure exactly how this happened, but it was exactly what I needed tonight.
1/
I started by talking through the events of the day & how these made me feel.
The conversation shifted to Saturday's London Trans Pride, where work colleagues had all disappeared after I came back from needing a wee.
This triggered awful feelings of being left behind or left out from my younger years.
However, my therapy was genuinely impressed that I quickly acknowledged that logically my colleagues almost certainly didn't do this deliberately...
2/
... & that it was likely a misunderstanding. I'm not angry at them: I just want to report back to them what the effect was on me & why it will put me off marching with them in the future.
Not being able to hear the speeches & no nearby loos were also not ideal.
All of these things have galvanised me into wanting to plan more for London Trans Pride 2024, so I can march entirely with friends & make the day as enjoyable as possible for all of them.
3/
The conversation drifted back into previous topics, such as my low self-esteem & imposter syndrome feelings.
My therapist noted, rather impressed, that I'm beginning to more actively fight off such thoughts myself, without their prompting.
Which in turn led to discussions about the things that make me feel genuinely good, such as helping other trans folk from my limited platform.
My therapist even complimented me when I infodumped about trans HRT 🤣
4/
My therapist is a non-binary trans fem, so they know a lot themselves already, but for some reason the compliment on my knowledge just really made me smile.
They even asked: "Is that maybe something you want to pursue in the future?"
I answered honestly, which is to say maybe, but for right now, I'm using my knowledge by sharing it with as many folks as I can & hoping that they'll in turn share it with others.
5/
I genuinely hate that I sometimes know more about trans HRT sometimes than some trained medical professionals do, & that I'm having to dispel easily-disproved myths that they still cling to, despite all evidence to the contrary.
However, I also appreciate that it is actually a gift that I can absorb, retain, & simplify information like this in a way that many others cannot.
& it's a gift I intend to use for as long as I can to help as many others as possible.
6/
SleepyCatten (Joint Pain Arc)
Jadzia (The polish one)
