Mastodawn

larsthespacepirate Jul 9, 2023

I don't understand why I can't be blunt.

I don't understand why I can't be blunt. - Lemmy.world

lemmy deleted my completely finished post right before posting so let’s try this again. I find it so annoying that I have to sugarcoat everything. I feel like I’m coddling people. I understand being polite to strangers, but it’s so annoying when my family, who knows I’m autistic, gets upset at my bluntness. I’ve explained multiple times that I’m not trying to be rude and I’m just trying to communicate in a way that works for me, but it doesn’t work. I just don’t understand why I have to say “hey, would you mind not letting the dogs tangle? thank you:)” in some high pitched voice when I could just say, “can you not let the dogs tangle?” in a tone that conveys I’m serious. it’s so much easier when intentions are simply stated.

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Toaster Jul 9, 2023

Copy all text before you comment or post so you can paste it if your submission fails and deletes.

Also, blunt can be rude, but it doesn’t have to be. “Can you not let the dogs tangle?” is, by itself, serious and blunt. It sounds like it’s possible that you adding additional tone on top of the words is where the disconnect happens.

Sometimes saying “hey, would you mind not letting the dogs tangle? Thank you :)” in a normal voice IS the most blunt and efficient answer. It almost guarantees no pushback. You say it, they do it, done. You saved yourself your current frustration, AND you achieved the goal of not letting the dogs tangle, with almost no extra work.

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Dettweiler

Alternative middle ground: “Please don’t let the dogs tangle.”

I struggled with tact for a long time, but after years of trying to be conscious if it with my interactions, I feel like I’m making progress. It’s something we have to practice consciously to have any success at.

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aJazzyFeel Jul 10, 2023

The biggest success I saw was when I permanently changed “can you not (insert thing)” to “Please don’t (insert thing).” Also, no longer using that high pitched tone but “using my tummy voice” helps me feel more grounded without stomping my feet. Others tell me it feels more authentic when I use my words with that voice, and it comes off more like the “real me.” It took about 4 years to get used to it, but now it feels good!